Fantasy story, ~7200 words, not about Atlas . The opening is as follows:
I scrambled up the dune, the sand shifting beneath my feet. My calves and thighs ached from balancing each sliding step. Sweat trickled between my breasts and down my back, combining with the grit that clung to my skin and clothes to form an itchy paste. I longed for water -- not the tepid water in our pouches, but water that bubbled from the earth in cool, sweet pools.
My Master had halted at the top. He waited out of no kindness for me; I had long ago learned the pace he kept was his own. Still, I silently thanked him for the brief pause. He had been impatient today. We had broken camp early, before the worst of the desert heat had passed, and even under the punishing sun he had kept a quick stride. As the hours had stretched on, I could only envy such energy.
"The Jewel of the Sands," he said as I came to his side. He pointed to the east.
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I'll be happy to trade the favor of critique with any takers.
[This message has been edited by GZ (edited November 15, 2003).]
Posted by Phanto (Member # 1619) on :
SEnd it to yos@gis.net
Thanks.
Posted by punahougirl84 (Member # 1731) on :
I'm interested - send to:
punahougirl84@yahoo.com
Lee
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
If my writing group doesn't kickstart in a couple of days I'm going to code them.
Send it my way. I might not be very busy (my glass is half empty).
Posted by Nexus Capacitor (Member # 1694) on :
Sure! Send it to me.
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
By the way, it should be "we had broken camp" not "we had broke camp"--just thought I'd mention that Posted by GZ (Member # 1374) on :
<sigh> Typos, Typos, Typos... Some days I think I am the Queen of Typos.
Posted by Christine (Member # 1646) on :
Send it along as long as you don't mind waiting about 3 weeks to get a reply....I'm leaving for my honeymoon tomorrow but will be happy to read it when I get back. Posted by Kolona (Member # 1438) on :
Congratulations, Christine! God's best to both of you!
Posted by Felix (Member # 1813) on :
Hello all,
GZ, I like the opening, I would love to read the remainder. I am in no way qualified to pass judgement of your writing style or grammar etc, etc. But if I like it I will certainly let you know, and if I feel I can add an odd comment I will.
Regards,
Felix
Posted by GZ (Member # 1374) on :
Thanks for the offer Felix, but the story is already in the mail.
. The opening is as follows: