This is topic Death Unnoticed in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.


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Posted by glogpro (Member # 1745) on :
 
Hooray! I have finally finished a draft of my current project. It is a short story, 11000 words. I am so psyched to be done, I have not even gone back to edit it. Does anyone want to look at it? Or does good etiquette require me to do a complete edit first?

The title of the story is "Death Unnoticed". The excerpt below is not at the very beginning, but is near the beginning -- on the first page in my word processor. It begins here:

Back to me, he knelt before the alter in the characteristic posture of the Kah-t’ruhm: both knees drawn up under him, his forehead pressed against the tiled floor, hands lying open and palms up on either side of his head. It was not an ideal pose if you wanted to identify anyone. Even so, I was certain it was Timerian Ghota. He was tall and willowy, the top of his head shaved clean, with a whispy fringe of white hair falling onto his shoulders. The fingers were long and slender, with the peculiar caste and clan rings of New Providence where Ghota’s would be.

The alter was precisely arrayed in strict observance of the Kah-A’bet ritual for the dead. The five lamps were lit, three to the left, two to the right. In the center stood the grail filled with clear liquid, and small personal items ranged in front of it: a few coins, a com set, a tiny copy of Kah scripture. Behind the grail, in a simple frame, stood the portrait. This is what Dameron wanted me to see. According to ritual, it showed the departed as he would want to be remembered, serene, composed, in full health and strength. I refocused the display so I could see the image clearly. It was a portrait of Timerian Ghota.



 


Posted by Phanto (Member # 1619) on :
 
Send it to:
yos@gis.net

I can't say, "no" to someone who gave me such a great title .
 


Posted by Lord Darkstorm (Member # 1610) on :
 
I would, but I'm overloaded at the moment. But once you have edited it let me know.
 


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