Gramps had two obsessions—World War II and King Arthur.
The War because he served in it. Arthur because he met him.
Yeah, I know it sounds crazy. I know it sounds like the delusional ravings of an old man. And that’s just what I thought...at first.
Gramps was living in a care center when he told me, waiting out the last days of his life, walled in by the fog of Alzheimer’s. It had been the third center my folks had tried and the only one he liked—or at least he seemed to like it. He didn’t make a fuss, didn’t cry out in the night, didn’t fight the orderlies.
I think it must have been because they let him keep his books with him. None of the other centers had allowed it. He had dozens of books lined up neatly on a little set of shelves, ordered by size from largest to smallest. Gramps had always been finicky about how his books were stacked. The Alzheimer's hadn't taken that.
Posted by Phanto (Member # 1619) on :
Disliked the first ellipses. Think dash or period or nothing would work better.
Posted by TruHero (Member # 1766) on :
I'd like to take a look at it if you can wait until next week. I like geriatric stories, old people are funny! My e-mail is listed. -BA-
Posted by rickfisher (Member # 1214) on :
quote:The War because he served in it. Arthur because he met him.
This is a GREAT line.
As for the ellipsis--I'd drop it AND the "at first." We already know by now that it really happened.
I'd be happy to look at this, but it might be as much as 2 weeks before I get it back. Send it if you want.
[This message has been edited by rickfisher (edited June 16, 2004).]
Posted by RFLong (Member # 1923) on :
I'll take a look if you like. Email's in the profile.
Ruth
Posted by Scott R (Member # 1353) on :
For some reason, I disliked the "Yeah."
But that's the only nitpick I have. I'll critique the rest if you send it on.
Posted by Christine (Member # 1646) on :
Sned it over, if you still need readers. Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
For the "...at first", you can keep it or cut it, I don't care one way or the other, the meaning is pretty much unchanged.
For the reading, I'm with everyone else. Send it if you want another reader.
Posted by Kolona (Member # 1438) on :
Sounds interesting. I'd be willing to take a look.
Posted by MaryRobinette (Member # 1680) on :
Me too.
Though I'd cut the whole "Yeah I know it sounds crazy" paragraph. We know it sounds crazy. We know it sounds like delusional ravings. The fact that your narrator is telling us the story at all gives us the last sentence of the paragraph. So why tell us? I think it weakens the opening, which is strong, and doesn't give us anything we don't know.
Posted by Monolith (Member # 2034) on :
Hmmmm. A man that met Arthur and served the same time in WWII. That sounds intriguing, and could be entertaining.
If you need another reader my email is listed.
BHJr
Posted by djvdakota (Member # 2002) on :
Thanks to all. It's on its way.
Posted by WuSong (Member # 2071) on :
I'd love to read this story,please send it to me.
Posted by cvgurau (Member # 1345) on :
I'm intrigued. Send it, and I'll send it back as soon as I can.
CVG
PS[quote]old people are funny![/i]
You should try owning (or working in) an adult foster care home. Seriously. It might vastly redifine your opinion of old people.
Or maybe just reinforce it.
Posted by TruHero (Member # 1766) on :
CVG, My Mom used to work in a nursing home a bunch of years ago. I used to go help her out with activities. I once saw an old guy get up and go take a leak in the fireplace. That's where I am coming from. -BA-
