Ok well this is a fantasy short, about 7000 words. I'd be grateful for any readers.
************* Martin wiped the sweat from his eyes, and stared hard at the shiny coin that lay in his hand. “Gold,” he muttered. “It’s really gold.”
Inside the cave he had not been sure, but now his heart skipped within his narrow chest as the truth sank in. His mother would be pleased. He could not remember the last time he had seen her smile. Now at last they would be able to buy decent food, instead of dried wheat cakes, and old vegetables from the end of the market day. Maybe, he thought to himself, he would even be given a pair of shoes. He had not had a pair since his father left.
The memory of his father saddened him and caused him to dawdle. With a start he realized that he would need to hurry home before it became dark. The mountain trails were treacherous enough during daylight, at nighttime he would be lucky not to kill himself.
Posted by Cathy Perdue (Member # 7987) on :
Nice start. I'll read it, but can't respond until tomorrow, Tuesday.
Posted by djvdakota (Member # 2002) on :
I can look too.
Prefer MSWord sent as an attachment.
Posted by NewsBys (Member # 1950) on :
My first impression of the opening is that I am interested, but feel like you have started the story late. I really want to know what happened in the cave that led him to holding the gold coin outside of it. Why was he in the cave? What happened? It's not everyday you find a gold coin laying around. You teased me with that detail, but now we are going off to visit the village, which leaves me feeling a little cheated. Intrigued, but cheated.
Posted by Keeley (Member # 2088) on :
I'll read.
Posted by Phanto (Member # 1619) on :
Too quick, too much info in one paragraph. At least imo.
Posted by yanos (Member # 1831) on :
Thank you for everyone who critiqued the whole thing. Your feedback is much appreciated.