Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Dutybound

This is topic Dutybound in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by cicerocat (Member # 2138) on :

Hi. This is from a fantasy short story of about 4,200 words.

Though I appreciate crits on these lines, I really need a crit exchange with a few people. I do best at critting fantasy, since it's the only genre I write in, and I will crit a piece up to approximately double mine's length (I can't crit anything longer because of time constraints). Also, I might be a bit slow with returning crits as I have a final and new classes coming up.

This is for an anthology, whose deadline is 10/31.

Thanks!
Cya,
CC

Here's the snippet:

quote:
Heat. Incredible heat; that was how it always began. As Pero tugged at the collar of his blue robe he prayed he was wrong, that it was just illness. But he knew his body too well. So, Pero did the only thing he could: he fled during Mistress Egret's lecture on fire magic. He ran, time pressing against him, tearing from his grasp, rippling down his skin. He ran until he reached the cool solitude of his floor's bathing room, and plunged into the nearest pool.

Posted by mikemunsil (Member # 2109) on :

Good opening. I'll crit it. Send it my way. Also, send me any instructions you want as to how you want it crit'd or with what emphasis, so that I can tailor my crit to your needs.

Posted by cicerocat (Member # 2138) on :

Thanks, Mike, it should be sent.

Cya,
CC

Posted by xarius (Member # 2168) on :

I'll read it. I have some time this week, so send it if you want.

Posted by cicerocat (Member # 2138) on :

Thanks, xarius, it should be sent.

Also, for anyone else reading on this thread, I have enough critters for this draft of the story. But if you want to comment on the posted lines, I'm still all ears.

Thanks!
Cya,
CC