I quit beer when I was 5, and champagne when I was about 9. My father gave me a sip and I spit it out. Too much like cough medicine. I don't drink at all, well maybe water, coffee, and some Dr Pepper or lemonade on occasion...
So I have no idea if any of this is credible. Feedback from wine drinkers, especially welcome. Of course general comments on any of the excert are welcome too.
'Immediate buzz' = This happens in a place where the laws of physics (thus biochemistry) differ a bit from our own. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Senus handed him a cup of wine. Abillus took a sip, rolling it around his tongue. It tasted smooth, a bright tang with dark overtones. The subtle layers of flavor made him regret having to swallow. Yet when he did, Abillus felt an immediate buzz.
“What do you think?” Senus asked.
“Good. Quite good,” Abillus said, taking another sip.
“The grapes grew on the Remus plane,” Senus said. “But they fermented here.”
“Ah... so that’s your family’s secret.” He had heard many rave over Remus wine. However, as a part of House Romulas, Father forbade them to partake of it. But now, by marriage, he belonged to House Tinia. And Tinia bade him to do as he wished, perhaps as a favor for marrying his daughter.
[This message has been edited by ChrisOwens (edited November 17, 2004).]
Posted by Rahl22 (Member # 1411) on :
Well, you've got the pretension down. I'm not sure that smooth is synergistic with a "bright tang." Though, you could probably find someone that did.
What distracted me was your mention of Romulas. I don't know much about Star Trek, but I've seen the latest movie and heard that name. Is this fanfic or am I hopelessly out of tune?
Posted by Robyn_Hood (Member # 2083) on :
Dido the fan-fic question.
I don't know much about wine so I won't comment on that, but I have a question about the Remus plane.
Is this a vehicle where grapes are grown or should it be Remus plain? (As this sounds like sci-fi, I'm asking).
Posted by ChrisOwens (Member # 1955) on :
<Well, you've got the pretension down.> Is that good or bad? The characters are part of 'royal' houses.
Much music I like is labelled 'pretensious' so much so the word lost it's meaning with me.
<Is this fanfic or am I hopelessly out of tune?> Excuse the language, but: Heck no!
Go to encarta or google and search the name 'Romulas'. Exclude the phrase 'Star Trek'.
Posted by ChrisOwens (Member # 1955) on :
<Is this a vehicle where grapes are grown or should it be Remus plain?>
An alternate plane of reality.
Posted by Rahl22 (Member # 1411) on :
I actually did mean it as a good thing, in a way. Enjoying (and describing) fine wines is kind of a snobby thing (rather, seen as a snobby thing). So, you conveyed that.
Posted by ChrisOwens (Member # 1955) on :
<Enjoying (and describing) fine wines is kind of a snobby thing (rather, seen as a snobby thing).>
They are snobs to a great degree. They refer to normal humans as primitives, and though viewing themselves as shepards of a sort, can deal rather heavyhanded with them at times.
Posted by NewsBys (Member # 1950) on :
I also don't drink, so I can't comment on the wine tasting. Although it convinced me that you knew something about it. Come to think of it, even if it is not quite right, it is acceptable because the POV character is not familiar with it either.
FYI - When I first started to read this thread, I though you had started right into the story, without a intro.
You wrote: I quit beer when I was 5, and champagne when I was about 9. My father gave me a sip and I spit it out. Too much like cough medicine. I don't drink at all, well maybe water, coffee, and some Dr Pepper or lemonade on occasion...
With that first statement you totally got my attention. It was great, I was drawn right into it. That would be a a great beginning for a story.
Posted by ChrisOwens (Member # 1955) on :
<That would be a a great beginning for a story.>
That'll have to wait for my autobiography.
[This message has been edited by ChrisOwens (edited November 17, 2004).]
Posted by Robyn_Hood (Member # 2083) on :
I have to agree with Newsbys, I thought you were creating an interesting character until you got to the second paragraph. Definitely a good opening .
Posted by Magic Beans (Member # 2183) on :
Wow. A bunch of writers who don't drink.
Seriously, you can go to food and wine websites with educational articles about how to judge wine and describe it so that you can convey your impressions to others. A quick internet search should be all you need to do.
On snobbery: anyone who is seriously into their interest, whether it be wine, computers, writing, cooking, or whatever, always chances being seen as a snob by the less well-informed. A high degree of knowledge doesn't always equal snobbery, but it seems so many people are incapable of perceiving a highly knowledgeable person in any other way.
[This message has been edited by Magic Beans (edited November 17, 2004).]
Posted by Keeley (Member # 2088) on :
The name Remus prepared me for the Romulan reference. Still smacks of Star Trek, though.
I don't drink either, but since this is a SF/F setting, I don't expect their description to sound Earth-like. I thought the description did a good job of conveying the feel of a person tasting wine, which is what's most important. My opinion anyway.
Ditto on the first paragraph. I thought for sure it was the actual story. Strong beginning, very nice.
Posted by ender39 (Member # 2222) on :
If you begin by portraying your wine as smooth, you've got the kind of wine that would not produce too much of a bite, so words like "buzz" and "tang" are too harsh. Perhaps the buzz is a soothing heat in the chest, and the tang is a slight bitterness to contrast the layers of depth and boldness. Another reference that didn't work for me was "dark overtones," but I can't yet put my finger on how to approach it better. Ther rest is rather Amontillado-esque, which I like. Good show!
Posted by ChrisOwens (Member # 1955) on :
<Amontillado-esque> I have to admit the reference escapes me...
Posted by Rahl22 (Member # 1411) on :
He's either talking about Poe or the liquor.
Posted by Prouder (Member # 2234) on :
I hate to harp on the Star Trek thing, but Remus is a sister planet to Romulus in the latest movie, and then you also have Kronos, Vulcan, Orion, Praxis. On Stargate, every place MacGyver goes it seems he runs into a new god assuming the identity of one of Earth’s mythological characters. And yet there must be other works out there reusing these names, so unless Romulus and Remus are critical to your story, I recommend inventing a completely new name. A couple of random swipes across the keyboard sometimes does the job, but if you do that, make the name simple enough that the average reader won’t glance over them without actually reading.
Posted by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (Member # 59) on :
Romulus and Remus were twins who, according to legend, were nursed by a she-wolf. They are genesis characters for the "history" of Rome (as in Roman mythology).
Just because STAR TREK used the names doesn't mean they're trademarked or copyrighted, and people should not expect them to refer to STAR TREK.
Since this is about wine, I figured the names referred to Italy in some way (Italy is one of the places that wine originally came from, remember?), and I had no problem with that at all.
Posted by Hildy9595 (Member # 1489) on :
I've done some wine tasting in my time, though I'm far from a pro. However, I believed your opening. If you want to throw in a little extra detail -- probably not necessary -- you can have him sniff the bouquet first, swirl the wine around and admire its "legs" (the strands of liquid that stick to the inside of the glass with a fine wine), and then take a sip and swirl it around his mouth before commenting.
Assuming wine tasting isn't the main theme of your story, though, you're fine as is.
Posted by Magic Beans (Member # 2183) on :
To say the wine immediately went to his head is a more elegant way to communicate the idea, rather than the word buzz.
There's a part in Niel Gaiman's Neverwhere where two people have just tiniest bit of 34,000-year-old Atlantean wine, (given to them by an angel, no less) and they become almost instantly inebriated and quite happy.
Posted by rickfisher (Member # 1214) on :
Ditto Kathleen on the Romulus/Remus issue. But notice that "Romulus" ends with a "us" (as Kathleen has it) not an "as" as you have it. (Or at least I've never seen that variation if it exists, and it certainly doesn't fit with the standard masculine latin ending.) So I think that people will be less likely to think of "Romulans" if you fix the spelling.
Posted by HSO (Member # 2056) on :
Some notes about assessing a wine:
Wine tasters usually start by looking at a wine (sight) noting the intensity and equality of color throughout the glass to indicate quality; followed by inhaling its aroma (smell); and then they sip it, sloshing it around in their mouths for a good amount of time (taste) to ensure it reaches all the taste buds properly. The "finish" of a wine is the aftertaste and it's just as important to the taster as the other three.
So, if you cover or hint at those 4 things in some way, you'll do all right. As someone suggested (sorry, can't remember who at the moment), have a look on the web for "assessing wines".
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