Ok, this is a modern fantasy short story - about 7000 words. It is a first draft, so I am looking for three readers who are willing to give me their opinions on the story/characters/plot etc. I am not yet looking for a thorough word by word critique, nor do I want people to comment on the first 13 which I am posting. I know there are flaws
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Sarah looked at the dark house. It had a forbidding air, but she could sense the riches lying in wait inside. She waited as the owner, a tall thin man, locked the gate and then opened the door of his car. Still not moving from her hiding place, she counted to a hundred under her breath. A man in a tuxedo was not likely to be going to the local store but she would not take any chances. Too many others had been caught like that.
Satisfied that the man was not coming back she quickly moved to the gate. She had earlier scouted the place. There was only one alarm system, and that was in the house itself. Some people never learned. Climbing the fence was too easy.
The house itself was more problematic. She had not discovered what type of alarm system was in place and so she had planned to hit and run. The locks on the windows were easy enough to pry open. Window lintels were very conveniently placed, and she was soon at what she hoped was a bedroom window. She knew that when she entered the alarm would go off, but that did not deter her. ~~~~~~
[This message has been edited by yanos (edited November 23, 2004).]
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
Interesting. I'll read.
Posted by Tess (Member # 2199) on :
I'll read.
Posted by yanos (Member # 1831) on :
Thanks, for the readers . I have sent it out to you.
Posted by Corpsegrinder (Member # 2251) on :
I would be happy to read it.
Posted by yanos (Member # 1831) on :
Sorry Corpsegrinder, but I have put this one to pasture for now until I can properly ressurect it and breath some life into. At the moment it smells like a two week corpse. Thanks for the offer though.
