Hatrack River Writers Workshop: The Wolf's Sister

This is topic The Wolf's Sister - Rewrite in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by RFLong (Member # 1923) on :

Hi all

well I finally got round to doing the rewrite. Any takers?

quote:

Shan knew he should have left her there in the wreckage of the carriage. He should have turned away and kept on walking and would never have become involved in the vagaries of the Holters’ world.
But Shan’ith Al-Fallion was not someone who could abandon a soul in trouble. Evidence was given in the form of the once starving wolf cub now grown into the silver beast padding at his side. Her breath misted the air, and she nuzzled his hand in an effort to distract him from the shattered contraption of men.
"Hush Anala," he said. "I’ll just take a look. That’s all."
They were all dead but for the girl and she wouldn’t be long in joining them. He could already see the marks of the Snow Child in her skin. The body of an older woman had been thrown over her, pinning her down. This one was dead, her neck twisted at an unnatural angle.

Posted by GZ (Member # 1374) on :

I'll be happy to take a look.

Posted by mikemunsil (Member # 2109) on :

I will, send it over.

mikemunsil

Posted by yanos (Member # 1831) on :

I'll have a gander

Posted by Corpsegrinder (Member # 2251) on :

Please send me a copy, too.

Posted by djvdakota (Member # 2002) on :

What's the length? Short story? Scene? Chapter?

I could handle up to about 3000 words, if that'll help.

Posted by RFLong (Member # 1923) on :

Sorry dakota - I didn't give the details again as this has been critted before. Apologies.

It's a (not terribly) short story, fantasy 17k. I can send just 3k portion if you like? I'd love to get your take on it. Let me know if that's ok.

Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :

I'll probably wait for the third rewrite.

Posted by djvdakota (Member # 2002) on :

Yeah, send me 3000 words or so.

Posted by NewsBys (Member # 1950) on :

Glad to see you are still working on it. It was pretty good.

Don't know if you want a re-review. If you do, feel free to send it to me.