Hatrack River Writers Workshop: McZombie

This is topic McZombie in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by JBSkaggs (Member # 2265) on :

I'd appreciate any comments or anyone to critique the whole story. As of now it is about 800 words. Its a dark comedy / horror tale about a fast food resturaunt that uses zombies as employees.

***

"We are sorry but all our manager positions are filled." The manager, a dark haired middle aged woman said. Melissa sighed. She really needed work. A fry cook stumbled lethargically into the manager's back. Absentminded she pushed him away and he nearly toppled into the boiling grease.

Melissa watched with disgust, she hated these places. "Look, I really need work. Don't you have anything? Anything at all?" I can’t believe I’m begging for a McJob.

"Nothing you would want." The manager said. Another employee turned slowly in circles, his mouth drooped open and his eyes stared unblinking. The manager yelled at him. "Marshall! Go take out the trash." He quit shuffling and looked at her, turned and moved towards the trash can.

"Honey, you do not want to work here." The manager said. Melissa looked at the employees all of them drug along unenthusiastically. Some were definitely straining their mental prowess, standing mouths agape watching the meat patties sizzle. But she had worked in fast food before and could handle the freaks and feebs that always haunted the kitchens.

"Why not? I just need the money."

Posted by ChrisOwens (Member # 1955) on :

>meat patties sizzle.

Wow, a fast food place that actaully cooks the burger instead of microwaving it. I'll eat there!

Posted by djvdakota (Member # 2002) on :

I'm not much of an expert on zombies, but a while back there was a huge discussion about them. I imagine you'll be getting tons of feedback from the zombie freaks when they log on.

I'm laughing already! I love the part about them staring at the sizzling patties, and the "...freaks and feebs that always haunted the kitchens."

Posted by JBSkaggs (Member # 2265) on :

>>Wow, a fast food place that actaully cooks the burger instead of microwaving it. I'll eat there! <<

I tried to make them operate a microwave but then I ended up with mutated supermutant zombies.

Posted by NewsBys (Member # 1950) on :

I'd like to read it. It sounds fun.

Posted by xarius (Member # 2168) on :

I'll read it if you don't mind waiting until after Christmas for feedback.

Posted by HuntGod (Member # 2259) on :

Heh, I like the tone and feel of this piece.

Reminds me of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode when she was working at the Big Meat Palace (not a good episode btw), but in a good way.

Of course I'm a sucker for a good zombie story...

Posted by Beth (Member # 2192) on :

I'd like to read it - this sounds fun. However it will be January before I can get back to you - if you're not in a hurry, send it to me.

Posted by Axi (Member # 2247) on :

I have one question more than a comment.

quote:

A fry cook stumbled lethargically into the manager's back. Absentminded she pushed him away and he nearly toppled into the boiling grease.

Shouldn't "absentminded" be "absentmindedly"?

(I'm not a native english person, so forgive me if this sounds as the stupidest thing you've read in this forum )

Btw, it sounds funny...

[This message has been edited by Axi (edited December 24, 2004).]