I know that Christmas has already gone past (unless you are Ukranian -- If you are, Merry Christmas!), but I didn't have time to workshop this story before the Hatrack re-write deadline. I have decided I will probably want to send this out later in the year, and knowing how fast I edit and tweak, I'll need all the time I can get .
So, I'm looking for readers to critque this story.
Title: Greater than Gold Word Count: 2836 Genre: Historical Fiction/Christmas Story
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Mireia sat quietly as the Bishop finished saying the Sunday mass. The stone church was cold, but it wasn’t just the chill of December that made her shiver. The shiver came from the depths of her soul as the Bishop extolled Mary, the mother of God, and the need for women to lead virtuous lives.
That’s all well and good when you have money, Mireia thought. How am I supposed to lead a virtuous life when my father can barely afford food?
Mireia glanced over at her younger sisters. Even though they were dressed in the best clothes they owned, they looked shabby compared to the children of the wealthier townsfolk.
Idoya and Sarita were too young to remember, but Mireia knew there was a time when their clothes had been new. She remembered eating and being full. She remembered playing without worrying. She remembered having money.
Posted by Netstorm2k (Member # 2279) on :
I'll give it a gander. ----- Gave it a gander, loved it. Seriously, Excellent job. I recommend this to everyone, not simply for critique, but just to read it. It'll make you smile.
[This message has been edited by Netstorm2k (edited January 06, 2005).]
Posted by MaryRobinette (Member # 1680) on :
Sure, send it over. I'm always happy to read one of yours.
Posted by Warbric (Member # 2178) on :
I'd like to give it a look, too. This fragment has a nice quality to it that seems very promising.
Posted by djvdakota (Member # 2002) on :
I'm kind of up to my neck in critiques right now--I just signed up for another, right before checking out his post [sorry].
I'm going to do some advertising, though.
This is an excellent story. I read it when the Challenge came due. You won't be disappointed if you decide you'd be willing to read for Robyn.
She needs, IMO, a thorough final draft critique. I feel like it's very close to being ready for submission.
Posted by GZ (Member # 1374) on :
I'd be willing to take a look.
Posted by yanos (Member # 1831) on :
I'll give it a whirl, if you need another reader
Posted by djvdakota (Member # 2002) on :
Hey Robyn. I just dropped a critique, so I've gotten some time freed up. I'd love to do a crit for you, if you want me.
Is this version a newer one than the one you sent me at Christmas? If so, resend. If not, I've still got it on file.
Posted by Minister (Member # 2213) on :
Based on the buzz, I'd love to read this, but I don't know if I've got time to do a critique (got several in the queue right now). I'd like to read it, if you wouldn't mind sending it to me on the understanding that I may not get a critique back to you.
Posted by Robyn_Hood (Member # 2083) on :
Dakota, I haven't made any changes yet, so the version you have is current. Thanks for the offer.
Yanos & Minister, I'll send it over.
Everyone else, thanks for reading.
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
I feel like I should read it before offering another fundamental criticism, but I'll make sending it optional based on whether you think that I'll say something useful (or at least something I haven't already said).
.
I'd like to read it, if you wouldn't mind sending it to me on the understanding that I may not get a critique back to you.