I've let a few short stories sit. Now, I'm revamping them hopefully up to snuff. Just started this one, and I wanted to see how this opening struck people...
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I do remember a woman named Molly. We had a spat over a map. Oh, yeah. I wanted to go looking for Bigfoot, but she wanted to stay put. Yep. Didn’t listen. But then, that’s why they call me Dense Dan. That and I can’t remember my last name. One thing’s for sure, I’m not the man I used to be.
I got here some time after the Big One. Of course, where here is, I don’t rightly recall. But here is where I pursued my pastime and let me tell you— it stunk. Waves crashed to my left, a sheer cliff stood to my right. I followed the odor up the beach. Then I came to the remains of the seawall. Moss covered the litter of hewn stones. Beyond it, a rocky ravine dug into the cliff.
[This message has been edited by ChrisOwens (edited January 14, 2005).]
Liked the intriguing references, 'Big One', and Dense Dan's voice, engaging.
Minor note, the three short sentences in a row in the second paragraph felt a bit choppy.
http://www.hatrack.com/forums/writers/forum/Forum11/HTML/000371.html
Not moaning or complaining, just noting the similarity.
Wow. I didn't frequent Hatrack back then, at least not that often. Thus, I had never read the fragment the link points to.
I see the similarity and it's eerily close. Both in the alterative nickname and in voice. The character's name had been Dan in the first version, and yesterday I thought the 'Dense Dan' would be a good angle.
Has this ever happened before to anyone here? I could try for a different name if this is a problem...
As a unrelated similarity, it's interesting that you use HSO for your Username. My initials are CSO.
[This message has been edited by ChrisOwens (edited January 15, 2005).]
And coincidentally, the title of the story I wrote is the same title for a current short film -- which is unlikely to be anything like my story. These things happen.
lol. the first paragraph was pretty cool, pulled me in. but something in the wording from "...but here is where i pursued my pastime..." completely lost me. you paint a pretty good picture of the place, and good job on that. but is his pastime bigfoot, or did he go surfing for a while and then decide to leave this place to find bigfoot? did he leave molly to get to this place, or did she leave him from here?
i would certainly be willing to read more if you'd send it.