I'm looking for readers. Just let me know if you are interested. It is a near future story, under 3000 words.
Here's the first 13... ~~~~~~~~~ Michael Carson looked at the neatly cut lawn, manicured into evenness. Suburbia – what the hell was a ‘burb doing truanting. He signaled to his partner, Richard, and they went in.
They approached from the blind side of the house – there would be no easy shots taken when Michael while in charge. To most children truanting was just a game, but there were those who would take advantage of the agents’ exposure. The department had already lost two agents this month. Luthor would have his skin if he took any unnecessary chances.
They halted either side of the door. Michael readied his gun and a flash grenade, while Richard placed the openbug on the door. Within seconds the electronic scramblers had decoded the lock and the door slid open.
Michael threw in the grenade and then stood aside, counting to three under his breath. The sensors on his facescreen showed only one heat trace inside, but even the lowest criminals now had cooldudes, devices designed to fool the sensors.
Posted by MaryRobinette (Member # 1680) on :
Darn. I'm out of town on a gig, but I would love to read the rest of this. Will you include me in the next round of readers?
Posted by yanos (Member # 1831) on :
I will, if there is one. This is one of my better efforts, so I'm crossing my fingers...
Posted by mikemunsil (Member # 2109) on :
It IS good and I think you should be sending it out for publication soon. Very soon.
Posted by Daniel Thurot on :
I would like to read this as you have an interesting premise.
Posted by Beth (Member # 2192) on :
I can read it this weekend.
Posted by HSO (Member # 2056) on :
I'll give this a go, if you don't mind. For some reason it makes me laugh. Heh, truancy officers with grenades hunting the little rugrats. Excellent! That doesn't make me a horrible person, I hope.
Posted by xarius (Member # 2168) on :
I'll read it. Being a teacher, I can see this future, .
(Not with my students of course )
Posted by Lord Darkstorm (Member # 1610) on :
Bit interesting. I'll read it.
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
Being someone that would have committed mass homicide if it would have kept me out of school, I can see this future too.
Try cutting ", devices designed" out of that last sentence. Same for "the electronic scramblers decoded the lock and".
"Michael readied his gun and a flash grenade," is a bit puzzling. The image just doesn't look right.
Anyway, I'll read it.
Posted by djvdakota (Member # 2002) on :
Hey! Do you even NEED any more readers? If you do, I'm up for it. I keep finding myself with time on my hands--particularly since I keep requesting stories for critique and no one bothers to send them. I'm starting to feel like I'm being Hatrack Black-balled.
Posted by yanos (Member # 1831) on :
Ok, hopefully everyone should have the story by now. If not, please tell me. And I have never blackballed you Djvdakota.
Posted by HuntGod (Member # 2259) on :
quote:there would be no easy shots taken when Michael while in charge.
Umm this seemed awkward. "when Michael while in charge"?
I'd like to read this as well. It reminded me of Neal Stephensons Snow Crash or the beginning of Diamond Age for some reason.
Posted by Netstorm2k (Member # 2279) on :
I'll bite.
Posted by wbriggs (Member # 2267) on :
I would love to see this. I've only been looking at fragments for a week or 2, but this one's got me hooked as well as any! I don't know what's going on yet, but it makes me want to find out.
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