I think I may have started my story too early, but I'm on the fence [as usual]. I guess that's marginally better starting a story too late...
I'm looking for a small handful of volunteers to read the first couple of scenes and tell me what they think.
This isn't a full critique, just a general read to see if it's okay as is, or if I need to cut the first 1000 words or so... but I won't stop you if you want to do more.
(this is also a major rewrite of a previously posted story fragment last summer, formerly entitled: To the End of the Line.)
Here's the intro:
After two full days of recharging, Jeremiah Hudson passed through the door of his flat at three minutes past six. He caught a power line and surfed it toward the train station to make the 0605. Perhaps today would be lucky and the hunt for Bitters would end in success.
Nevertheless, Jeremiah was glad to be out of the house again. He loathed being cooped up while he recharged. The indignity of it! This made him angry and hateful at times, stoking the fires of revenge that burned within him; a vengeance he would release in spades upon Bitters.
Posted by yanos (Member # 1831) on :
I can give it a quick once over.
Posted by Warbric (Member # 2178) on :
Send me a copy, if you will. I'm often tormented by the same demon in my own work, changing a start dozens of times over, so any help I can give you will indirectly help me as well.
Edit: My apologies in advance for the obnoxious anti-spam confirmation message sent by the anti-spam measures enabled on my email server, but spam is epidemic.
[This message has been edited by Warbric (edited January 30, 2005).]
Posted by Christine (Member # 1646) on :
I'll give it a look.
Posted by Rocklover (Member # 2339) on :
HSO After all the time critiqing you've offered me, I would be happy to have a go on your piece. Is it really Bitters or Biters??? Sorry. Just thinking of computer lingo. I do like this already. You have me very curious. Judith
Posted by HSO (Member # 2056) on :
This is likely enough volunteers for now. If I need a tie-breaker, then I'll post again asking for one more.