This is 489 word story for the flashquake contest. I'm looking for readers of the whole thing if possible, or just a critique of the first 13 lines.
I can recall the days before men lost their feet, when we could move across the land like water.
And then the ZAot came, their ships like cymbals and horns in the sky. They planted us all in the earth, using some science beyond our reckoning, out across the flatlands, anywhere we had not tainted with our own creations. And then they were gone.
I can recall my brother crying out beside me. "We will die soon," he moaned, "no food, no water." But we did not die, for the sun fed us, and we drank from the earth as trees do.
Posted by wbriggs (Member # 2267) on :
I'll read it.
Posted by Shi Magadan (Member # 2260) on :
Send it over please.
Posted by Rahl22 (Member # 1411) on :
COOL opening. I totally dig it. Send.
Only preliminary comment I can offer is that so far this is just a running narrative. I know in flash fiction it's hard to do a lot of "showing" but I'd like to see some.
Posted by GavinLoftin (Member # 1966) on :
Alright, I sent it off to you guys.
Posted by Rahl22 (Member # 1411) on :
I replied with comments.
Posted by NewsBys (Member # 1950) on :
Sounds interesting. Send it over if you still need readers.