Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Gruff Bluff

This is topic Gruff Bluff - final edit in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Robyn_Hood (Member # 2083) on :

I'm finally getting ready to send out my Billy Goats Gruff Re-write and would appreciate a few sets of eyes to look things over as a final crit. I'm not really looking to make any major plot changes at this point, mostly just polish it up to make it look shiny.

Word Count: 2830
Title: Gruff Bluff

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“Well we can’t turn back now. The Kid is short on fuel, and supplies are short all around; we wouldn’t make it through another spacefold. I don’t think we have any choice, we have to split the stars and make the run for Calton station. You know what they say the shortest path between two points is a straight line,” said Captain Sheila Michaels of the cruiser Billy the Kid.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” asked Captain Tarquin Cartier, of the Wild Bill. “Calton sent us reports of a pirate ship on the other side of the binarys. The Boötis stars move pretty fast and eclipse each other every three hours; we can only get one ship at a time over the gravitational bridge and through to the other side. Alone, none of our ships are equipped to defend against one of those tricky troll ships. Even the Buffalo Bill can’t match the maneuverability and fire power of a troll, and it’s a premiere class starship!”

[This message has been edited by Robyn_Hood (edited February 18, 2005).]

Posted by Beth (Member # 2192) on :

I'll read!

Posted by wbriggs (Member # 2267) on :

How about:
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"The Kid is short on fuel," Captain Shiela Michaels said, sitting in the [wherever she is -- I want to know]. "We wouldn't make it through another spacefold. I don't think we have any choice -- we have to make the run for Calton station." [ I suggest putting the "she said" tag near the start of the quote.]

"Pirates," Captain Cartier, of the Wild Bill, said. "Calton sent us reports."
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I found the intro a little dull, and I think that was just because of the amount of detail overwhelmed the hook (which for me was getting past pirates).

[This message has been edited by wbriggs (edited February 18, 2005).]

Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :

POV and scene? That's just a paragraph on the front before the dialogue starts, though. I'll read the story if you like.

Posted by Jsteg1210 (Member # 1993) on :

I'd be happy to read.