Somewhere, someone was afraid. Myka could feel it, taste it, smell it. The faint tendrils of fear wafted through the walls of his room above the bookshop. He should have opened the store hours ago. Lord Saric was expecting his priceless copy of Meren’s only published volume of poetry to be repaired and restored for his wife’s birthday celebration this evening. Myka had not even started on it. It sat in his workshop below, on top of a stack of other books that were overdue for completion as well. He had not left his apartment since the Dran had begun two days ago.

His apprentice had come by both mornings and knocked loudly on the wooden shutters but Myka had not opened them. He watched from his one small window, through a crack in the casements, as the boy stood waiting for a few minutes and then finally shrugged and ambled off.

 

Example:
"Lord Saric was expecting his priceless copy of Meren’s only published volume of poetry to be repaired and restored for his wife’s birthday celebration this evening. Myka had not even started on it. It sat in his workshop below, on top of a stack of other books that were overdue for completion as well."

The above made my mind tune out to the story and lose the sense of interest the first few sentences had begun to build in me.

What I meant by rearranging is that some of the sentences do not flow in my ear.

Example:
"Somewhere, someone was afraid. Myka could feel it, taste it, smell it."

I think it is the commas and the list feeling added to this being the very start of the story-- it makes it feel stunted or jagged.
 

[This message has been edited by wbriggs (edited March 11, 2005).]