Hatrack River Writers Workshop: White wolf contest

This is topic White wolf contest in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

To visit this topic, use this URL:
http://www.hatrack.com/ubb/writers/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=11;t=000826

Posted by xarius (Member # 2168) on :

As I mentioned in Open Discussions earlier, I am entering WW's novel contest and would like some feedback on my synopsis. Anyone familiar with WW would be greatly appreciated. The rules link is:

http://www.worldofdarkness.com/novelcontest/

Here is the first part. If you would like to read the rest, I will email it to you. Thanks in advance.

****

A neonate in a city of Methuselahs, Katherine Veltos, a young Ventrue, must decide whether to leave NYC and advance or stay and stagnate. She struggles with the desire for anonymity and security versus the thirst for power.

Paramont Gray, a Daeva unknown to the leading hierarchy of the city, schemes to attain power of his own. He forms a coterie of dissatisfied neonates and leads them onto the corrupted road to quick power. Caught in the master deceiver’s web, Katherine takes part in unsanctioned diablerie against city Kindred. Paramont appeals to the beast within as the neonates face the reality of their sin. Using blackmail and manipulation, Paramont seals his leadership over the coterie.

Posted by Robyn_Hood (Member # 2083) on :

I like this concept and the way you are presenting it.

Feel free to send it over.

Posted by Ryan Brotman (Member # 2360) on :

Honestly, I don't really know what is going on because of the names of cultures and organizations without references. It is well written though. I would be glad to take a look at it.

Sorry, my double-left-clicks got a little crazy and I accidently posted this twice.
I'm so pysched about reading this that I can't control my mouse skills. Yaowza.

[This message has been edited by Ryan Brotman (edited March 10, 2005).]

Posted by hoptoad (Member # 2145) on :

I would like to read one that doesn't depend on diablerie.
Personal preference thing.

[This message has been edited by hoptoad (edited March 10, 2005).]

Posted by JBSkaggs (Member # 2265) on :

As I understand it the blood has become weaker in this new series and diablerie is almost required to have any vampiric powers beyond bite and suck.

Especially since Cain awoke broke several bloodlines.

I like the synopsis. Personally I think any of the WW vampires would commit diablerie if they could get away with it.

Posted by wbriggs (Member # 2267) on :

I started to critique what's here so far, but there are so many referents I don't get that I couldn't do it effectively.

Would the editors know?

Posted by xarius (Member # 2168) on :

One of the rules of this contest is to demonstrate your knowledge of the World of Darkness. I have to include at least one of WW's Signature Characters, and when I read the "bio" on them, I had to refer to the core gaming book to understand some of what was written.

I've read the first novel in this new setting and the author explains some things and leaves others. Based on the prior novel publications, I imagine readers will need to have some basic knowledge of the setting when reading the new novels. Then again, I could be totally wrong.

So, basically, I'm hoping I won't need to explain the different factions and sects in my synopsis and stick to the story. I only have 250 words.

As far as diaberlie, I want to show not only the act and benefits, but the consequences both physical and emotional (I hope I can). The new novel had one diaberlie scene, and to me, the author seemed to treat it lightly.

I appreciate the input and if you guys think I am way off base here, please let me know.

I am sending the rest to those who said they could look at it. Thanks bunches!!