When Heroes Go Bad
“I can’t do this anymore!”
This person who said this was not very happy. He also wasn’t a person, precisely. It was in fact a canine, or more specifically, Big Bad Wolf from the fairy tale, Little Red Ridinghood.
“I can’t do this, and I won’t!” he repeated, even more intensely. As he made this declaration, he was storming out of a little cottage, while furiously pulling off a flowery nightgown and nightcap.
“What do you mean?” Little Red Ridinghood matched his pace.
“This! Everyday it’s the same thing. I meet you along the path, and then I dress up in an old woman’s clothes-which smell like mothballs, by the way- and then that woodcutter comes along. Day after day it’s the same thing, and I always lose! I’m sick of it!”
“Bu-bu-but you’re the Big Bad Wolf,” she stammered. “It’s your job!”
“Maybe once upon a time it was, but I quit!” And with that he stomped off to his den, with the little girl in her red cape looking on in utter astonishment.
I love take-offs on fairy tales. Hi! I'm new here, and I've never crit-ed anything before, but I'll give it a try if you want me to! It sounds like a fun story. Let me know what to do.
Best,
Katherine.
Thanks so much, again. I really appreciate it.
When Heroes Go Bad
“I can’t do this anymore!” SAID THE BIG BAD WOLF.
[This person who said this was not very happy. He also wasn’t a person, precisely. It was in fact a canine, or more specifically, Big Bad Wolf from the fairy tale, Little Red Ridinghood.]
“I can’t do this, and I won’t!” he repeated, even more intensely. As he made this declaration,] he [was storming] STORMED out of [a] THE little cottage, while furiously pulling off a flowery nightgown and nightcap.
“What do you mean?” Little Red Ridinghood matched his pace.
“[This!] [Everyday] EVERY DAY it’s the same thing. I meet you along the path, and [then I] dress up in an old woman’s clothes-which smell like mothballs, by the way- and then that woodcutter comes along. [Day after day it’s the same thing,] and I always lose! [I’m sick of it!]”
“B[u-bu-b]ut IT'S YOUR JOB![you’re the Big Bad Wolf,]” she stammered. [“It’s your job!”]
[“Maybe once upon a time it was, but I quit!” And with that] he stomped off [to his den, with the little girl in her red cape looking on in utter astonishment. ]
--
Fun idea! I like it. I definitely want to know how the universe will be disturbed by Wolf's defection!
Definitely, seriously cut the word count by eliminating repetition or explanations of the obvious (or redundant words).
Some other notes:
"Bu-bu-but ..." she stammered. If you do "Bu-bu-but," it's obvious that she stammered; you can use "said." If you say "stammered," you don't need "Bu-bu-but."
Look up something on MS format for how to do dashes. There are different ways, but "-" won't do it because it's indistinguishable from a hyphen.