This is topic Dead Ned in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.


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Posted by Ray (Member # 2415) on :
 
Horror/5600 words

I'm looking for any who want to read all of it. Some swearing and violence. Blood, but no gore.

And if anyone can come up with a better title than "Dead Ned," it would be greatly appreciated.

Ned was a drunk, and the night he died, he was drunk.

The pool hall didn't allow alcohol to be sold but the management didn't stop anyone from bringing their liquor inside. Steve thought that that was rather hypocritical, but he didn't complain. When everyone else was boozed up, it just meant he'd beat them easier at billiards.

The room was bare except for the six tables that were placed in two rows. Steve and Ned were playing on the far left corner. This was their third game that night, and Steve had won the first two with Ned taking a swig out of his bottle before he played, after he played, and whenever Steve shot. This round was going to end at least five minutes quicker than the last games.

“Bet you think you're pretty hot s***, don't you?” Ned said.

“No, my balls are just better than yours,” said Steve.

“Maybe I should stop by Claire's and see if she agrees, eh?”
 


Posted by CTBrandon (Member # 2658) on :
 
I am intrigued...send it to me and I'll be glad to read it within a few days. Would you like a line-by-line ultra critique or just my general thoughts?
 
Posted by Ray (Member # 2415) on :
 
Whatever you want to do. I'm good with having either one-or both, if physically possible. <grin>
 
Posted by NewsBys (Member # 1950) on :
 
I'd like to read it.
 
Posted by pixydust (Member # 2311) on :
 
I'm interested. Pass it on to me if you need anymore input.


 




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