Here are the first 15 lines of my story... It was either 11 or 15, or it would have stopped in the middle of a sentance... I think. (Sorry!)
This is a Fantasy - short story, and it is complete.
***
In the beginning all was centered within a void, inside this hollow chasm, fog, ice, hail and rain bound by the unforgiving cold resided, beside this chill, the realm of flames and heat burned furiously, always parted.
The void possessed a magic of its own, an empty and cheerless gift. From between the ice and fire the magic bloomed, the darkness from the cold balanced the light from the fire and the magic sensing this merged the two elements.
Warmth was born and from there life was created. In all of existence one rule was paramount, that for as long as there was life, light must equal darkness: darkness must equal light.
This is history.
This is the Creation.
Posted by Ezuma (Member # 2646) on :
Is this based on the game Ragnarok?
Posted by Ray (Member # 2415) on :
Your beginning goes on and on with excess description, and it's rather confusing. I had to read the second paragraph thrice before it made sense. Could you make it a little more clear?
Also, this is the beginning of the story, and I don't know what the story is. There's no conflict or characters, just a vacuum with elements in it that began the world, and I don't know yet why it's important to the story.
Can I ask how long the story is, and are you looking for readers on the whole thing?
Posted by Silver3 (Member # 2174) on :
I'm not hooked by the begining (as has been said, too much description), but I'll bite if you want a reader. Email's in the profile.
[This message has been edited by Silver3 (edited June 20, 2005).]
Posted by shinigamideathgirl (Member # 2661) on :
Is this based on the game Ragnarok?
Hello,
No, it refers to the Norse Mythology = Ragnarok.
Posted by shinigamideathgirl (Member # 2661) on :
Can I ask how long the story is, and are you looking for readers on the whole thing?
Hello,
It is around 6000 words long. A Fantasy - short story. It is already completed.
Yes, I am looking for readers.
Well I guess, the begining doesn't tell you much about the story because I'm aiming to get the context across first.
A Fantasy story - Another world.
The actual story starts after a page...
I'm not quite sure how to reply in these forums? Am I doing this right?
Posted by Silver3 (Member # 2174) on :
That was the point, I think. I don't mind a little background, but a page to get into the story is way too long. That means a page of context without a character to hang on, a page of descriptions...An editor is not going to have the patience to wait that long. They have plenty of other things to read anyway. You have to get into the meat of the story as quickly as you can, otherwise no matter how good the rest of it is, it will never be read.
[This message has been edited by Silver3 (edited June 20, 2005).]
Posted by tchernabyelo (Member # 2651) on :
It's a pretty decent description/interpretation of Norse creation myth so far (the Ginnunga-gap). One note; in paragraph 2, there should be a couple of commas to clarify objects and subjects; viz. "...and the magic, sensing this, merged the two elements".
Pop it along and I'll read it and comment.
Posted by shinigamideathgirl (Member # 2661) on :
tchernabyelo and Silver3
Thankyou for the comments!
Yes, this encorporates recontexualized stories from Norse Mythology. The story is based mainly on the 'Ragnarok' myth.
Um... the first page isn't all that bad.
I'll send you both a manuscript?
Posted by Silver3 (Member # 2174) on :
Sure, that's what critters are for. Posted by shinigamideathgirl (Member # 2661) on :
Okaies, I sent them... the ending may be a little, strange.
Happy reading.
Posted by wbriggs (Member # 2267) on :
I'll read.
Posted by Keeley (Member # 2088) on :
Very interesting. I see what you're doing with the Creation, though I think it would be better to start with the beginning of the era Ragnarok ends instead of the Creation of the world itself -- if you're trying to create a full-circle feel. But if you're playing around with the myths, don't listen to a word I say.
Send it on over. I'll take a look.
Posted by shinigamideathgirl (Member # 2661) on :
Keeley
Hello,
I'll send you a copy of my story!
Oh and Thankyou to everyone.
I'm getting such an enormous response, so much greater than I originally thought I would recieve.
