. It was my Billy Goats Gruff Re-write from the first Hatrack re-write challenge. So far I've subbed it out twice and both times have garnered rejections. The more recent rejection (which took nearly the full 3 months) indicated the most likely reason for rejection was that the story was too cliché.
If that is the case, I have an alternate market in mind: http://www.scalzi.com/whatever/003471.html .
So does this sound cliché or "done to death"? If you want to read the whole thing, let me know.
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Gruffs' Bluff
Word count: 2400
Genre: Sci-fi, Space Opera (sort of)
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Cecil Blake, the Blade, all around scoundrel and pirate extraordinaire, sat in his observation lounge staring at the binary stars of the 44 (i) Boötis system. Staying close to the stars helped mask the signature of his ship, allowing him and his pirates to ambush science ships and tourist cruisers making runs from the nearby Calton space station. Things had been slow in the last few weeks and the pirates were growing desperate.
“Another day like this and we’ll have to go to Calton for food,” mused the Blade. He hated the idea. Raiding the station was risky at best and suicide at worst. Too many ships, too much fire power.
Not that his ship wasn’t fast or powerful; she could take down a premiere class starship, as long as the energy weapons were fully charged.
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Note: I am NOT looking for general critiques on this. Just opinions about whether it seems too cliché.
[This message has been edited by Swimming Bird (edited August 02, 2005).]
Also, consider get rid of the said-bookism 'mused' and replace it with 'said.'
Another way of thinking of it, when writing SF, is "things I learned from watching Sci-Fi". Like the idea that near a star (or two) would be a good hiding place. Or that you could regularly ambush a single route and make some kind of profit while avoiding being blown to smithereens by any kind of police force (pirates are notoriously vulnerable to Q-ships, after all, which are considered an entirely legitimate tactic against pirates). Or that any futuristic space ship would need food supplies rather than having a bio-recycling plant on board (also necessary to truly recycle air and water). Or that pirates would be likely to have a ship with a top ranking in combat capabilities.
Probably none of these things are outright impossibilities. But having all of them in your opening might set off alarms in an editors mind. Particularly if you never come up with really good explanations for them.
Also, Cecil Blake, the only character we've met thus far, also seems like a cliche. We meet such flamboyant pirates far more frequently in stories than in history, eh? Since he probably isn't the main character of your story anyway, it might be better to not use him as a POV at all.
[This message has been edited by ChrisG (edited August 03, 2005).]
http://www.scalzi.com/whatever/003471.html
The editor is looking for clichés. I think this story might be a good candidate, because, while certain aspects are clichéd Robyn_Hood has breathed some vitality into it by combining it with three Billy Goats Gruff.
So, suggesting that she change the clichéd aspects is counterproductive in this case.
[This message has been edited by MaryRobinette (edited August 03, 2005).]
I am not sure if this is cliched enough. Space pirates, sure, and the editor says he doesn't just want humor. Good question.
Okay, you're fine introducing cliches in the early story, then. But beware, he's looking for cliches that have been given new life. You can start cliche, but you have to justify those cliches by the end.
For that reason, I still recommend cutting Blade, unless the final scene is going to be from his POV and will dramatically redefine him as a character. I'm not definitely implying that you can't use his POV more than that, I'm positing a minimum requirement here. The other things are fine as long as you come up with compelling justifications for them in the story.
As for Blake the Blade, he is the MC and only POV character.
Harrrr....shiver me...er, titanium weld timbers.....harrrr.....
Robot parrots and eyebeam patches are a must!
Anyways, I don't think I'm going to go out of my way to add in more clichés. So unfortunate as it may seem, no robot ninja zombie monkeys or parrots with laser-beam eye patches.
We'll see about the shivered titanium weld timbers...