...would anyone be willing to take a look at it for me? It's so old I'd forgotten it existed, but a fresh read didn't make me gag.
Length:It's VERY short--only 150 words Title: Generations Genre: I suppose you'd call it urban fantasy
I'll only give you the first four lines to tantalize...
quote:Whirrrrr, clunk, click, hiss.
Grady picked up the copy as it slid out of the machine. Better. Dimmer. Threadier. Almost to that substanceless spiderweb kind of look that copies get as you wander further and further from the original, like blue veins under thin skin.
Posted by yanos (Member # 1831) on :
I'll look. But "threadier" scares me.
Posted by Paul-girtbooks (Member # 2799) on :
>substanceless< is a real tongue-twister of a word. I would try rephrasing that.
Posted by tchernabyelo (Member # 2651) on :
I was certainly intrigued as to quite what might be meant by "threadier".
At 150 words, I'll happily read. Knowing my tendency to blether on, my critique will probably be longer than the story!
Posted by Dude (Member # 1957) on :
I really like the language and the pacing of your teaser. I'll look at it. wolf_dude64@yahoo.com
Posted by ThisProteanSoul (Member # 2882) on :
Sure, I'll read too.
Posted by wbriggs (Member # 2267) on :
I'll read.
Posted by djvdakota (Member # 2002) on :
Thanks all. I'll think about 'threadier.' I mean, if it SCARES you...
[This message has been edited by djvdakota (edited October 12, 2005).]
Posted by yanos (Member # 1831) on :
It does!
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
I'll look, but I agree about "substanceless" and "threadier". You can probably just replace "substanceless" with "ephemeral". You can do the same using "gossamer" instead of "threadier", though it isn't a comparative.
But it kinda sounds like one, neh?
Posted by djvdakota (Member # 2002) on :
Sure, Survivor. It's on its way.
Did all y'all get it?
Yanos: Skeletons in your closet? A nasty incident in a cotton mill?
