Sooner than I thought. Perhaps not all earlier comments catered for.
I think the distinction between a lab and electronics workshop is minimal since most electronic projects are pretty experimental anyway!
Beauty and the Geek
It was with trepidation that James opened the door at the top of the attic stairs and entered his dad’s electronics workshop. Holding back the tears, James cautiously walked over to the test bench and peered at the mass of cables and coils. He remembered the huge spark it had generated and how his elderly father was thrown across the room. He’d rushed to his father’s aide as he lay on the floor, straining to hear what he was murmuring, but Dad had become silent and slipped away before the ambulance arrived. James didn’t know exactly what it was, but after three years of experiments in psychology Dad had felt sure he was on the verge of a major scientific discovery.
Posted by pantros (Member # 3237) on :
Rather than set up for the flashback, just start with the scene in the flashback then jump forward into your story.
Posted by plumeh (Member # 3160) on :
Hey! Ok like the other person before said.. its confusing how you all of a sudden jump into the flash back. SO maybe define more clearly that its a flashback or start with it at the beggining. Also, the very first sentence there is a word which you used and i cant spell it or say it but it may make you feel smart but noone knows what it is so it just sems like your showing off. No offense. Its good other than that!
Posted by Johnmac1953 (Member # 3118) on :
This is okay too, all I would do is introduce the flashback maybe; ...cables and coils. The last time he was in the room... The first moments could be 'trepidation that James paused...' Tell me to shut up! I'm nitpicking... Overall this is a start that would hook a reader. Best Wishes John Mc...
Posted by Choccido (Member # 3299) on :
Actually, I agree with the first person. And x_nikki_x, trepidation is when there is dread, or alarm. It could also mean that someone is scared, and is trembling. Also, it could mean fear. So, actually, most people know that word. Just to let you know... Anyways, the plot seems promising. So, please, post more. I would love to hear it.
