Taking the advice of the forum monitor, I'll restrict myself to Boots for the time being since that seemed to engage readers the most. Boots is SF/Fantasy genre. ***** I do not know of a time when Mother was not. Human in appearance, ever young and lovely seeming, yet even Orm, who reckons years in the long, slow ways of dragon-kind cannot recall her beginnings. They are lost. I have combed the legends, lore and histories of hundreds of cultures, searching for hints and traces of her. They lead beyond the bounds of written word. She was already ancient when history was new.
Posted by tchernabyelo (Member # 2651) on :
I preferred the other version This one seems more distant, more summary/prologue/backstory-like, rather than intriguing.
Are you looking for readers for the full story, or just after comments on the opening?
One question - why the full stop after "not"? That sentence can work on its own, in certain circumstances, but the subsequent one then becomes fragmentary.
Posted by dckafka (Member # 3258) on :
Ah. This is not a second opening, but what follows the first posting.
Posted by thayerds (Member # 3260) on :
Just email me the darn thing so I can get on with the story!
Posted by Dude (Member # 1957) on :
That first line bugged me. As tchernabyelo said, the 'not' on the end makes me think there should be more to the sentence. Why not just say--"I do not know of a time without Mother." It flows a little better.
How long is this story? I would prefer you ask for readers for the whole thing rather than post snippets. I don't have the time to read it right now unless it's pretty short, but it sounds like others are willing.
This one seems more distant, more summary/prologue/backstory-like, rather than intriguing.