Hatrack River Writers Workshop: King's Falcon

This is topic King's Falcon - Plot synopsis in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by kings_falcon (Member # 3261) on :

HELP! I realized over the weekend that my plot synopsis read like an outline. I would appreciate any feedback you could give me on the forst 13 of the revise synopsis or volunteers for the entire thing (301 words). Thank you!

All Falcon wants it to never to wear the circlet that marks her as the long lost Tarishah heir. Well, not so much “lost” as disinherited until she finds a suitable husband and produces an heir of her own. In the nearly twenty turns since her father’s death rendered her a ward of the Kingdom of Fayette, Falcon has created a new identity to hide behind; one that requires her to move seamlessly through social classes and ranks. In short, she is a spy, a persona that will be destroyed if the former Princess Kauril reclaims the life that once was her future. Now, that identity is threatened by Falcon’s abrupt summons back to Fayette’s castle, Valya.
When she arrives, nothing is as she expected it. A Queen is dying. . . A King has abdicated his duties . . . A First Advisor

Posted by Marva (Member # 3171) on :

Hi. Send me the whole thing. I owe you a crit and I think I can handle 300 words ;-)

Posted by mommiller (Member # 3285) on :

Send it to me too!!

You didn't even need to ask.

-Abby

Posted by Novice (Member # 3379) on :

I've written exactly one synopsis, and it was/is awful. I wanted to say that, in fairness, because I have some suggestions for this fragment. I just don't know how useful my suggestions will be.

I'm not sure about the wording of the first sentence. "...Falcon wants...to never wear the circlet..." This seems like a long-ish way to say, "Falcon doesn't want to wear the circlet." Both are hard starting points, because they make the character seem more interested in what she doesn't want, than what she does. Maybe you could change the wording, turn the intent around so that you are stating something positive. i.e. "All Falcon wants is to remain hidden, to stay within the safety of her false identity..."

The synopsis is a hard place to have any voice. Your second sentence seems to directly address the reader, which makes it jump right off the page. I can't say if this is a good thing, or bad, but that sentence seems to be out-of-place among the rest of the fragment, which is rapid summary.

I couldn't decide, from what you have here, if Falcon and Princess Kauril are the same person.

I didn't understand the comment about her being a spy. Who does she report to? It seemed odd that she could create such a false identity with no help at all, especially if she is a ward of the Kingdom. I guess I either need to know more about this process, or less. Who called her back? Why did she have to respond? What is she supposed to do there? spy on the Queen and King? or declare her true identity?

I don't know if you need to explain any of those things in the synopsis. However, right now I am left with so many questions that I am more confused than interested. I feel like you still haven't introduced the main conflict she will face in the book. What will happen if she is discovered before marrying and having a child? Is anyone even looking for her? Do they know her father left an heir who might someday be able to claim rule? Does she want to keep her new identity because she is afraid, or because she likes her new life? How many of these questions, if any, need to be answered in the synopsis?