Hi all, 1st post. Story somewhere between fantasy & mainstream 7,000 words. It takes place in the sixties. How to open plagues me. Help! Thanks. (Is this opening hopelessly boring?)
When Frank's rusty truck turned the corner out of sight, Ginny went into the garage looking for a box. She found one with bits of thin Christmas paper still stuck to it. She remembered a toy that had come in the box, from her parents, among other things for the kids. It was a stamped tin policeman on a motorcycle. That's what Frank had planned to be when they first married - a cop. His brutality sent him to prison instead, leaving her alone and pregnant in a dingy trailer house.
"I learned a lot in prison," he had said when he came home. Well, Ginny had learned a lot too, since then.
Posted by Ray (Member # 2415) on :
There's no conflict. We find out that the husband has been in prison, but instead of focusing on that, the first paragraph is Ginny going through boxes. That's a really mundane start.
Now, if you tell us what she's looking for, then I've got something to be interested in.
Posted by Loretta (Member # 3639) on :
Thanks Ray. I see your point - in fact it ssems obvious now. further problem is she's actually looking for a box. Not exactly a thriller, huh? Would it help at all if I made it clear she's looking for a box to start packing? Maybe I should just find another place/way to get into the story?
Posted by Woodie (Member # 3346) on :
Start with where it starts getting exciting. If you have a sneaking suspicion that the beginning is boring, it probably is. The writing isn't bad, but I spent the whole thing wondering why she was looking in boxes.
Posted by Ray (Member # 2415) on :
You can start with her looking for a box to pack, but I'm going to want to know why. It's not getting the move that's interesting, it's the why she's moving that I want to know about.
Posted by wbriggs (Member # 2267) on :
What everyone else said. We need to know the *significance* of what's happening, as or before it happens. Tell us in the first sentence, probably, that she's leaving him, because she's afraid of him. (Or whatever her reason is.)
Posted by pixydust (Member # 2311) on :
Yes, it's the "why" that's missing here.
Posted by Hylas (Member # 3613) on :
..
[This message has been edited by Hylas (edited August 14, 2006).]
Posted by Loretta (Member # 3639) on :
Thanks to all of you. I'm chewing on this, and I'll be back soon for more help.