Wet and miserable, the two orphaned survivors trudged through the deep sand. Just moments ago they lay unconscious on the beach. Now, tired and hungry, they made their way across the beach to a small road, curious of whom or what could have made it.
A shiver not from the cold, but from the desolate sight of his sister, shook Jason and gave him one more reason to find help. Janine kept a face void of emotions that stared down at her own weary footsteps. This is no place, he thought for my little sister. And with that thought he stepped onto the small road with a determination to get his only surviving relative to a better place.
[This message has been edited by saintjames (edited August 24, 2006).]
I'd like to hear some more about the time they actually spent on the beach. Who woke up first? Did they look for other survivors? Are they clothed or are they reduced to rags? Were they both breathing or did one revive the other? Little things like that can make a big difference to some readers (i.e., me ). I think you could fit in some really good descriptions here if you wanted to.
I would love to read more of this story when you are ready. Please consider me for a reader if you have the desire for one.
The "probably" is because I don't feel connected as I might to the MC. This is easily fixed I think. You start in omniscient POV. That's OK, but I think I'd like it better if you started with Jason's name, in his POV.
Wet and miserable, Jason trudged through the deep sand with his little sister. Just moments ago he...