Due to me believing that this is a load of crap where I follow HER rules and she then cuts me down TWO LINES!!! I have deleted this post and my account. I am sorry that I wasted peoples time and I thanks for the input that people have given me. I will look else where for my literary help.
Thankyou but no thank you.
[This message has been edited by canadian writor (edited October 15, 2006).]
Posted by MarkJCherry (Member # 3510) on :
Hmmm...
Pros: Opens right in the action. I'm curious what's going on here, and why this 8 y/o is stealing. This alone will keep me reading.
Cons: There are a few glaring mispellings. Threw vs Through, for instance. It seems kind of choppy. Maybe you're trying to fit too much into the first 13? And, of course, the one that matters: why would this 8 year old street rat know who the Duke of Roviin is, just by his standard? If this is explained later in the book, great, but if not...make sure theres a firm distinction between Upper Class and Lower Class if that's what you're going for. From the rest of the excerpt he's just a poor kid trying to make money, probably to eat. The poor don't really study Heraldry. Then again, every peasant knows his direct ruler's colors, though not necessarily even the king's.
I realize this is just a draft, but I'm still giving it all. Hope that helps.
Mark
Posted by wbriggs (Member # 2267) on :
What kind of POV will you be using?
Posted by canadian writor (Member # 4038) on :
deleted post
[This message has been edited by canadian writor (edited October 15, 2006).]
Posted by Elan (Member # 2442) on :
Well, I never saw the original post, but anyone who identifies themselves as a "writor" and not a "writer" clearly needs a little polish. It's curious how the ones who need the most polishing are the most techy about following the rules and advice.
Posted by TMan1969 (Member # 3552) on :
Polish is a kind word, but in my opinion - if anyone who willingly places his/her story here, then he/she better be willing to accept/reject all the advice...most of which I find is very useful and helpful
Thanks to all here for your advice and assistance!
Posted by hoptoad (Member # 2145) on :
You know, sometimes we get people who react this way.
Some stick around, some shoot through.
Both of these reactions tend to be good for Hatrack.
PS: What me worry?
[This message has been edited by hoptoad (edited October 15, 2006).]
What me worry?