It was well past midnight before Brother Ghedry felt safe enough to creep from his small cell and out the side door of the rectory. The door let out into a narrow walkway, two and a half feet wide, between the rectory and the tenement next door. It was a tight squeeze but posed little problem for his slender frame. While most of his Brothers tended towards the robust, Ghedry’s conscious kept him from indulging in the excesses so many of the others relished.
Ghedry moved along the walkway towards the rear of the abbey. The oil of the street lamps there had yet to be filled and would make it easier for him to slip unseen into the city.
Also, when you say:
quote:it seems contradictory to me (it wasn't a tight squeeze for Ghedry). Perhaps if you changed it around a little bit:
It was a tight squeeze but posed little problem for his slender frame.
quote:
It would have proved a tight squeeze for his more robust Brothers, but posed little problem for his slender frame; Ghedry’s conscience kept him from indulging in the excesses so many of the others relished.
Sneaking around at night is always good - I am curious about what is about to happen.
I have a problem with the "...oil of the streetlamps there had yet to be filled..." If they are not filled by midnight, someone had better be loosing a job, or dead. They would have been lit at sundown, much earlier.
I might rethink the necessary ingredients and unecessary redundancies:
Brother Ghedry crept through the halls of (Church's or Institution's name here). It was after midnight, and the brothers were all snuggled up for the night. Ghedry wasn't like the others. He didn't indulge in excess. His body was as fit as the day he left the army*, long before he had joined the order. He slipped out the side door, and into the alley. Under the cover of darkness it would be easier to slip unnoticed into town.
* Bit about the army added for me, not a suggestion.
You were all right on target. I'm a little further into the story right now and have a better idea where I'm going. Babbler, its funny you mentioned the street lamps. I was thinking the same thing last night. The lamps are a device to show the two sides or faces of the abbey. The rear is in the poorer section of the city, things aren't kept up. The front of the abbey is on the wealthier side. There the lamps burn brightly and their glow is reflected and magnified by the front of the abbey which is solid gold. Ghedry is trying to leave without being seen and of course goes to side that is decidedly darker.
I still have a long way to go. I'm going to take your advice and finish this thing before reposting. Thanks guys.