Becca checked her sleeping gear for bugs before spreading it out near the fire. "Better get some rest, Sarah. When the troop goes camping tomorrow, it's going to be rugged."
"I'd rather stay here at home where it is comfortable."
"You always were the prissy sis, Becca. How'd your bartering go?"
"I traded three packets of Wench Scout cookies, two flax and one spelt," said Sarah.
"I traded but one packet of dragon jerky. You're so fair of
[This message has been edited by WouldBe (edited October 10, 2007).]
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited October 11, 2007).]
Just to be sure on that, I looked it up: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/wench
So when combined with the Girl Scout motif, feels a tad creepy to me.
Oddly, That means I might read some more just to see where it's headed It comes across as not-entirely-serious enough that I assume it's going for the young-girl meaning, not the others.
Other than that, the writing seems to meet your usually strong standard, WouldBe.
The high concept is simply, "what if there were girl scout troops in medieval times?" Well, then they'd be selling spelt cookies instead of chocolate mint cookies, wouldn't they? (har, har)
Maybe I'll do Connecticut Girl Scouts in King Arthur's Court.
Okay, maybe not ...
Coming from a fantasy background, I read wench as any woman that's not highborn--as in serving wench.
As far as prostitute, ironically, the word wench never shows up in sixteen results. The most common uses were: Camp Follower, Bangtail, Doxy, Tramp, Trollop, Painted Woman, Scarlet Woman, Tart, Hussy, Strumpet, Harlot, and Whore.
This has been humorous. I hope this helps. (Not as in helping straighten out your Longfellow)<--sorry, couldn't resist.
[This message has been edited by InarticulateBabbler (edited October 13, 2007).]
quote:
As far as prostitute, ironically, the word wench never shows up in sixteen results.
My bad, it was the verb form meaning to frequent prostitutes that made me think of that, as in, "Hey, let's go out wenching tonight."
quote:
My bad, it was the verb form meaning to frequent prostitutes that made me think of that, as in, "Hey, let's go out wenching tonight."
Yeah, or like Conan's version of cruising for chicks.
quote:
Kathleen, if you paste what you left into a submission box, and delete the blank lines, you'll see that it is 12 lines. This happens frequently when there are many blank lines, it seems.
Actually, when I put it in the box, the "go?" at the end of the fourth paragraph went on to the next line, and I debated leaving it.
If the original post is already close to 13 lines (indicating to me that the poster was trying to follow the rules), I usually do leave something like that, but if the original is a lot longer than 13 lines, I am less inclined to be lenient.
It's that last point that makes me wonder about the girl scout tie-in. If these are Senior Girl Scouts - highschool age - the term might apply.
In your first 13, the initial references to a fire and 'sleeping gear' coupled with the title, made me think of camping. I wondered if the troop would join them and what could get more rugged. It took a second reading to realize that they are in a medieval hut with an open fire and sleeping space on the floor.
I'm wondering what they get in return for what they barter. How much is a box of spelt cookies worth?
Let me know when (if) this will be ready for readers. I'm hooked by the concept and the girl's voices.
If I have one problem with the opening you've chosen, it's that there's actually very little in our opening to suggest this cool concept. The girls could be modern-day, camping in the woods (stew isn't particularly medieval, since we still make it today, and the use of "sleeping gear" is thoroughly modern". I wonder if you could add details more specific to the medieval period--offhand, references to period clothes, or a better description of what they sleep in--or the sound of church bells from the parish?
I think you need to establish the time period pretty fast, to make it clear those are not weird 20th Century-Girl Scouts.
..."Better get some rest, Sarah. When *our* troop goes camping tomorrow, it's going to be rugged."
"I'd rather stay *right* here at home where it is comfortable."
"Wench Scouts," sounds pretty derogatory. From the title I expected a satire.