This is topic Apocalyptic Taco Mix - looking for second draft readers in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.
Some of you have seen this, it was my entry to the last challenge that ran through Nov 1. I've polished, but haven't added or changed anything sigificant that I can think of. Genre is near-term science fiction, dystopia, post-apocalypse. Story is 8222 words (including about 200 words that are of the "notes to self/reviewers" variety, asking questions about whether I should include a passage, how to integrate more motivation to a character, etc.)
I am looking for reviewers for the completed story. I am hopeful it's in a final polished state, but seek input specifically on those "notes to self/reviewers" and how well the overall story works. I don't need a lot of feedback on this first 13 other than if I've messed something up.
Thanks!
"Sylvia, you're getting worse." Nate said, trying to mask the worry in his voice. His sister was in the midst of a coughing fit and didn't answer him. When the coughs subsided, she looked up at him with those blue eyes. Today they were ringed with red and dark circles swam underneath them.
"I'm not letting you leave on some hare-brained scheme to save me, Nate. No way. I couldn't do this without you, and it's too dangerous outside." Sylvia dabbed at the corners of her mouth with a tissue and tried to hide it in her hand, but not before Nate saw the tissue was tinged with blood.
"You're kidding yourself if you think this is going to get better, Sylvia. I'm not going to sit by and watch you die." Like I did with mom and dad.
Posted by TaleSpinner (Member # 5638) on :
I'd be glad to read it, KayTi, having enoyed the first draft. There are three other stories in my queue to read already, so it will be a week or so before I can get to it, if that's okay.
Cheers, Pat
Posted by supraturtle (Member # 1518) on :
Same here, I hadn't hit you up yet. As TS says, that's 8.2k words and of course everything in life is a conspiracy against cuddling up and digging in. I'd give me 'till the weekend so don't dispair if I'm a little sluggish on the reply. Send it, over.
Posted by debhoag (Member # 5493) on :
i feel a deep personal fondness for all the apocalyptic taco mix stories. Count me in!
Posted by Igwiz (Member # 6867) on :
Yes please. I'd like to read it.
Posted by DebbieKW (Member # 5058) on :
You never have to ask me. I'm always willing to critique anything you write. Send it on over, and I'll get to it the next time I have a free momment.
Posted by KayTi (Member # 5137) on :
Aww you guys are the best.
Sending now. I'd love love love crits back by about Dec 13 (next Thurs) - think you could swing that? Sooner is great too. I'm cool w/whatever kind of feedback you have. I am applying my skin thickener RIGHT NOW.
Posted by lehollis (Member # 2883) on :
KayTi, I like the opening. Nothing made me cringe. I would read more.
(Sadly, I'm swamped by finals right now and I can't volunteer to actually read more than what I have on my desk already.)
