Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Journey of Souls, Magical Realism

This is topic Journey of Souls, Magical Realism in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by annepin (Member # 5952) on :

Perhaps it's a bit optimistic of me to post two in such quick succession, but here goes. This one borders on literary in execution, but I'll identify it as fantasy/ magical realism. It weighs in at a hefty 8,200 words. As usual, comments on the 13 and offers to read are greatly appreciated.

Journey of Souls
The cats had saved his life—Kasch could not now deny them the one they sought. He fingered his sniper rifle and watched as Pollux nestled next to Castor, his litter mate. One life was like any other to a hit man, Kasch reflected, one contract like another. What did it matter that he didn’t get paid for this one?

He ran his hands along Pollux’s grey back. The cat turned into his touch. Why, Kasch wanted to ask, but knew he was too awake now to understand the cat’s thoughts. These only came to him in the moments he was drifting in or out of sleep, and only then in chaotic visions, sounds, and smells. Pollux butted his head against Kasch’s hand.

Castor got to his feet with a squeak of a meow and nosed his way

[This message has been edited by annepin (edited January 05, 2008).]

Posted by LCastle (Member # 7363) on :

First paragraph: I'm pretty confused here, having a hard time putting this in place. Is he waiting to off someone (with the cats along)? Or is he sitting at home fondling his rifle (why)? What do the cats seek, and what does it have to do with his current assignment, and why wouldn't he get paid? There's a lot of ideas and information here, and it seems like you're rushing it a bit.

I can stop and ponder, and try to make some assumptions here. (target is the one the cats seek, and if he doesn't kill the person (or whatever it is), he loses his paycheck, but he's okay with that). But now I've had to stop and think, and I'm out of the story.

Second paragraph: much more grounded here, even though it's narrrative. I had a problem with "The cat turned into his touch." I know what you're trying to say, but by the time I got to "into" I was expecting a noun like "werewolf" or "lamp" or something.

I like the notion of him being able to get the cats' thoughts, but only imperfectly, and when he's not quite awake. That's pretty much the hook for me.

If you're not looking for a fast turnaround, I'll read..

Posted by nitewriter (Member # 3214) on :

Ya, I agree this was confusing. It raised questions, as has already been noted. I'm interested in the sniper - then the attention shifts to the cat - which I found a bit irritating. I was more interested in the sniper than the communicative cat. Maybe if the scene were more active - just before the sniper kills someone or during a killing - the cat interacts with him, would be less passive and be more interesting.

Nit:

"The cat turned into his touch. Why, Kasch wanted to ask."
Anyone who has owned a cat knows a cat turning into a touch is pretty common. Since the cat is unusual to begin with, why not have the cat get his attention with some not so mundane way?

Posted by monstewer (Member # 5883) on :

I'll read if you like

Hitman who has a psychic connection to cats? I'm hooked! My only problem here is that I have very little grounding of where the MC is at the moment, but judging by the writing so far, I'd trust the writer to fill in the details quickly enough.

Posted by TaleSpinner (Member # 5638) on :

monstewer said what I was thinking (are Hatrackers telepathic?) and I'll read--but there's other stuff to do first so please expect a delay.

Cheers,
Pat

Posted by annepin (Member # 5952) on :

quote:
monstewer said what I was thinking (are Hatrackers telepathic?) and I'll read--but there's other stuff to do first so please expect a delay.

Lol, Talespinner! I think this includes my other piece! I'll send it along, but take as much time as you need.

Thanks for the comments, guys. LCastle, you know, I never thought of that interpretation! I guess that's why we have others read our stuff.

Posted by supraturtle (Member # 1518) on :

Yeah this one ain't starting me off. Cats and guns sounds great. I'd like to see a rethink before I call "send it."