i think it sounds interesting. id keep reading. the last line is the only real hook for me though. I think you need to make the characters more interesting, if its the future or an alternate world the names could and probably should be a little different to indicate that. Bill and steve are not real interesting names. good luck on the contest!
Posted by shimiqua (Member # 7760) on :
so im dumb, this is for snapper hunter in the snow. my bad
Posted by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (Member # 59) on :
shimiqua, no problem--happens all the time. However, I can't move your post to the correct topic. You need to do that.
So just highlight what you posted above and then copy it. Then go to snapper's Hunter in the Snow topic and click on the POST REPLY button.
Then paste your message in the text box. (You can tell the difference between a reply and creating a new topic because the reply doesn't ask for a subject.)
Once you've done all that, I'll delete this topic and no one will know the difference.