Hatrack River Writers Workshop: No Strings Attached

This is topic No Strings Attached in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Igwiz (Member # 6867) on :

No Strings Attached, 999 words, ready for readers.

_____________________________

On the eighth anniversary of Alice’s death, the single guys in the shop started a personal ad pool. They’d decided I should get back out there, even if they acted like it was really for them. Everybody tossed their name in the hat and off we went. How I won that week I’ll never know. Aquaman_68 and Hobby Horse had already struck out, so it was probably just my turn. When my name got drawn, the boys started cat-calling up to me where I sat on my shelf.
“You da puppet, Tiller!”
“Go, stick-boy!”
In a high falsetto, Jack-in-the-Box moaned, “Oh, Pinocchio. Lie to me, baby, lie to me!”
I took it in stride. Here’s what I put in the ad.

[This message has been edited by Igwiz (edited January 28, 2008).]

Posted by smncameron (Member # 7392) on :

Intriguing, that's all I can say. I'd be interested in reading more.

Posted by LCastle (Member # 7363) on :

Well, I'm confused. And intrigued. I'll read.

Posted by nitewriter (Member # 3214) on :

Interesting opening. I wanted to know, right up front, who "I" was.

Nits:

"...I'll never know." "I took it in stride." - cliche.

"...high falsetto." Redundant.

Posted by monstewer (Member # 5883) on :

This is probably a result of my youth and innocence, but I have absolutely no idea what a personal ad pool is, so little of this made any real sense to me.

They tossed their name in the hat and off they went? Went where? How did he win? What did he do to win? Two of them struck out? Eh?

I could go on, but I think you get my drift I have a feeling I'm in the minority in not knowing what's going on but I thought I'd let you know how lost I felt on reading this.

I would offer to read but I don't think I'd be much help with this one

Posted by annepin (Member # 5952) on :

Lol. This is funny. I'll give it a read, if you like.