Don’t get me wrong. I love dogs. Canines have their place in life but that place is on Earth, not a low-gee space station.
Our residents are all wealthy heart patients. The low gee lifestyle is life-lengthening. After they’ve experienced all that they can on Earth, when their hearts are beating a bit erratically or not without help, they come here. The first thing émigrés have to give up is the idea of limitless living space. A one bedroom apartment here costs as much as a two whole floors in the most expensive condo tower on Earth.
Cats are welcome because they can survive living in a small apartment with a spectacular view.
Then Mrs. Alderson arrived with…Sweetums. Never was a dog so wrongly named.
“He’s just a bit nervous,” she said, scooping the
I meant to write something deeply serious this time, I really did. I don't know what happened.
[This message has been edited by arriki (edited February 18, 2008).]
[This message has been edited by arriki (edited February 27, 2008).]
Cats are welcome because they can survive living in a small apartment with a spectacular view.
suggests that dog's _can't_ survive.
[This message has been edited by annepin (edited February 19, 2008).]
quote:
Don’t get me wrong. I love dogs. Canines have their place in life but that place is on Earth, not a low-gee space station. From this sentence to the next is the first place that feel choppy. Maybe "not a low-gee orbital old-folks home" instead? That links the facility to "residents" in the next sentence.
Our residents are all wealthy heart patients. The low gee lifestyle is life-lengthening. Omit sentence--made redundant by what follows. After they’ve experienced all that they can on Earth, when their hearts are beating a bit erratically or not without help, they come here. The first thing [Again a feeling of abruptness. Are we going to get a list? Changing to something like "Of course" links this up better. émigrés have to give up is omit "is" if start of sentence changes the idea of limitless living space. A one bedroom apartment here costs as much as a two whole floors in the most expensive condo tower on Earth. Not sure that the whole living space thing is important enough to include at this time.
Cats are welcome because they can survive living in a small apartment with a spectacular view. This sentence/paragraph seems just stuck in between the two around it. It might go better as the last sentence of the first paragraph.
Then Mrs. Alderson arrived with… pet peeve! I hate that ellipsis character! DON'T let MSWord (or whatever you're using) turn "..." or " . . . " (only the latter is correct) into "…". [ Edit: Sorry, the single character and the sequential characters of three dots look the same in the reading window. But you can tell the difference in the edit window, and on a manuscript.] Also, in this case, you simply don't need it. Sweetums. Never was a dog so wrongly named.
“He’s just a bit nervous,” she said, scooping the
[This message has been edited by rickfisher (edited February 19, 2008).]
Yeah, it is supposed to be humorous.