Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Betrayal

This is topic Betrayal in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Toby Western (Member # 7841) on :

Here's 13 from a very short story (less than 800 words, all told). I'd be glad of feedback on the lines, or the whole thing. Does anyone know if publishers / magazines are even interested in pieces with so few words?

quote:

Did you honestly think that your petty betrayal would go unnoticed? Or unpunished?
We know that they sent you here to investigate. Those spymasters - how they like to send their little pawns scurrying about, with their hidden tools and their secret words. We expected someone to be sent ever since Fredrick’s body was found in the bank vault.
Do you feel me inside your mind? The slight tingling sensation is the delicate web of your thoughts and memories, slowly dissolving.
It was not surprising to us that the sigils around the lifeless form; the black candles, silver needles and other trappings would arouse suspicion in certain quarters. And so we were

Posted by Bent Tree (Member # 7777) on :

I am intrigued, but a bit confused about what is happening. There apears to be dialogue, but no tags or Quotes, and the Thought? in the middle?

Yes many publishers print flash. Just type in flash and genre on Duotrope digest and it will pull up some suitable markets.

http://duotrope.com/index.aspx

Posted by annepin (Member # 5952) on :

Hm... bold. I like it. It's risky addressing the reader like that, but I think it would work for flash, as long as your careful to make clear what's happening, and what's at stake.

Looking for readers? I'd be happy to read.

Posted by Toby Western (Member # 7841) on :

Many thanks for the info on publication, Tree.

The premise is that the reader is the “victim” and gets to enjoy the villain’s denouement.

Not sure if quotes are technically needed, as everything is the voice of one character? Would they help, do you think?

The italics are supposed to represent telepathic communication.

It’s a quirky piece – a little too quirky, perhaps I wonder what Anne will make of it...

Posted by Bent Tree (Member # 7777) on :

So the whole thing is a quote? I'll give it a once over.