Looking for readers for this. Apart from flash challenges it's the first story I've started and finished in about two years. So keep that in mind, anyone intrepid enough to give it a read.
Thomas heard the IT officer mention the penthouse suites with the views into the magma chambers and remembered how entranced he had been the first time he’d stayed the night in one. The ambiance of the magma through the screened window was positively enchanting to look at; he had gazed at it for hours the first time.
If he could have afforded it, he might have thought the view was worth it. His first night at Hawaii’s premier underground resort was five years earlier. He had paid a startling fee just to stay a week in one of the regular suites on the first level of the hotel. When he tried to check in the concierge informed him his room had been double booked thanks to a glitch in the system.
[This message has been edited by cklabyrinth (edited May 09, 2008).]
[This message has been edited by cklabyrinth (edited May 09, 2008).]
Posted by Bent Tree (Member # 7777) on :
You are missing about ten lines.
Posted by cklabyrinth (Member # 2454) on :
Try seven lines and since when is it absolutely required to post exactly 13 lines? Granted, I haven't been around Hatrack much in the last two years...
Posted by Bent Tree (Member # 7777) on :
I suppose it doesn't have to have thirteen lines. Forgive me for attempting to be helpful. I don't suppose it has to interest a reader either. Best of luck.
Posted by kathyton (Member # 7780) on :
I'd like to see the whole thing -- the "magma room" is intriguing, but structually the piece is kinda just sitting there right now.
I'm traveling over the week end, which might mean a bit of a delay getting it back to you, but I'll definitely workshop it.
Posted by cklabyrinth (Member # 2454) on :
Bent Tree: You couldn't have said that in your first post (which by the way didn't exactly embody "helpful" in any understanding I have of the word)?
kathyton: Thanks. I'll email it to you here in a second.
[This message has been edited by cklabyrinth (edited May 08, 2008).]
Posted by Bent Tree (Member # 7777) on :
I do apologize if I came across short. In an attempt to be helpful I spend many hours a day workshopping stories for other people. It is the reason I mentioned that you were short. I thought it was perhaps an error because sometimes posts get cut off. I then later checked back to see if it had been adjusted, so I could provide feedback.
And yes you should assume that every comment in here is intended to be helpful, because that is the nature of this forum.
*extends olive branch* Best of luck
Posted by cklabyrinth (Member # 2454) on :
Sorry for being combative in my second post. I edited those seven lines in so hopefully that will help.
