Urim sat on a flat rock along the cove with his feet dangling in the ocean water. He let the tiny waves dance about his ankles and watched as they surged upward then receded back and forth into the never ending pulse of the sea. He would go no farther into the water than his feet and ankles, he never had. To Urim the water seemed like some strange toothless beast that could devour any man whole. Worse than that, Urim dreamed of his own consumption below the waters night after night.
Bazel had ruined him with stories of drowned knights and monstrous krakens that floated in great numbers beneath the black waters surrounding the island. Still, Urim's mother commanded him to sit before the water's edge each morning until he found it in himself to submerge. The more his mother urged
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited June 24, 2008).]
Posted by Bent Tree (Member # 7777) on :
Oh, sign me up. I'll try to have it back in two days.
I can be harsh on fantasy though, but this sounds good.
Posted by catchthecat (Member # 8043) on :
quote:To Urim the water seemed like some strange toothless beast that could devour any man whole. Worse than that, Urim dreamed of his own consumption below the waters night after night.
I understand the distinction between the thoughts/fears, but these sentences could be combined to make the paragraph tighter. I'd love to read the rest if you need another reader.
[This message has been edited by catchthecat (edited June 25, 2008).]