This is topic Monster (Again) in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.


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Posted by baduizt (Member # 5804) on :
 
I started this story a long time ago, but due to other commitments (and selling an illustrated novel to CROSSING CHAOS enigmatic ink) I've only just finished it.

Ideas for where to send this would be great

Some of you looked at the first 13 before and asked to see more, so I'll send it out to you folks shortly. Anyone else . . . well, here it is:

Monster smells of lavender and cumin. She is cold, ice cold, as she ties Carrot to the legs of the workbench. Those things are bolted into the floor, so he’s not moving. And she looks rational, like she does this at breakfast every morning. Pours herself a glass of orange, the pulpy kind, and takes herself a bunch of hostages whilst waiting for the toast to brown.

She butters the toast with a machete.

Of course, we’re not hostages.

She puts the barrel of the gun against my temple and says, ‘Where’d you put it?’

Sweat pours down my face. She’s close enough to count the droplets; she knows I’m ****ting bricks. I can feel my face burn red. That’s the blood rushing to my brain, loaded with adrenaline.
 


Posted by Bent Tree (Member # 7777) on :
 
Great, I have eagerly awaited this for months.

Congrats on the recent publishes BTW
 


Posted by baduizt (Member # 5804) on :
 
Thanks I've been working hard to meet quite a few deadlines at once. I hope you like this one as much as I enjoyed writing it!
 
Posted by annepin (Member # 5952) on :
 
As always, edgy, clean, and compelling. I don't have time to crit, but good luck!
 
Posted by baduizt (Member # 5804) on :
 
Cheers, Anne
 
Posted by Shi Magadan (Member # 2260) on :
 
Well done. I'd like to read it.
 
Posted by Jon Ruyle (Member # 5943) on :
 
Just the tiniest of nits:
Do you mean "bolted to the floor, so she's not moving"?
(You wrote "so he's not moving"... you don't mean the floor isn't moving, do you? )

 
Posted by baduizt (Member # 5804) on :
 
No, I meant Carrot's been tied to the legs of the workbench, and the workbench is bolted to the floor, so he (Carrot) isn't moving. Does that make sense?

Adam
xxx
 




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