Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Beauty, the Beast (350 words) [RATED R]

This is topic Beauty, the Beast (350 words) [RATED R] in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by baduizt (Member # 5804) on :

Hi folks,

This is a piece of flash fiction at just under 350 words. Let me know what you think. It's strictly rated R.

BEAUTY, THE BEAST

My captor comes to me, drenched in marbling moonlight. His face is a latticework of scars, hooded generously by the night. He always comes at night. Lazily, he tosses a sack of gold coins at my feet. His hands are hairy, clawed, his nails broken and jagged. I smile, unnoticed in the darkness. As a prisoner I have no use for money, but this is merely a formality. So ancient are the locks of my prison even a child could shake them to rust. But this is what I want; this is what I bargained for.

As he approaches, he stinks. Urine-stained fur, dried sweat, the stench of carnivorous breath. His swollen chest bursts through the frayed silk of his shirt and his cloven feet click and clack as he crosses the varnished floor towards my bed.

[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited February 26, 2009).]

Posted by Bent Tree (Member # 7777) on :

send it along. I guess it won't be more than another page, but I'll give it a fine comb.

Posted by baduizt (Member # 5804) on :

Thanks, Scott! Sent

Posted by LucyintheSky (Member # 8475) on :

Intriguing. The one thing that felt a little incongruous to me was the bag of coins. There is a little confusion between prostitute and prisoner there. If she is a 'captive,' there's no reason for the beast to pay her for her services - he's already got her. But if they have made some kind of bargain in which they are both giving and getting something, then she's not really a prisoner. Just a thought. If you'd like another reader, I'd be happy to give it a look.

Posted by baduizt (Member # 5804) on :

Well I intended the ambiguity. Beauty is a prisoner, but it's something she's 'bargained for', and therefore it's more than that. She may also technically be a prostitute, but the money is of little importance, so again it's more than that. There's an S&M dynamic going on here, which is further elaborated on as you read the whole thing.

Posted by baduizt (Member # 5804) on :

BTW, do let me know if you don't get that after reading it

Posted by Rob Roy on :

Bluntly: you didn't need to explain that there was an S&M thing going on: it's right there in the first 13, and about as subtle as a sledgehammer.

To me, a character who just loves being tortured by a sexual sadist is simply unbelievable. While such a person might actually exist in real life, like the German fellow who wanted to be killed and eaten, in fiction it looks like a sexual fantasy entertained by the sadist in question.

If your modestly described R Rated story is in fact bondage porn, then your first 13 is probably right on the mark.

Posted by baduizt (Member # 5804) on :

Rob, clearly you don't know anybody who's into S&M.

But no, the character doesn't love torture. That's what's hinted at in the beginning, sure. But the story's not as shallow as that. It's also not 'porn', since the sole purpose of porn is to arouse. This story isn't designed to be arousing. Also, I've never engaged in S&M, but I knowo people who do (regularly) and enjoy it. The whole point of S&M is not *real* degradation and abuse. It's about playing roles. People enjoy playing the role of a master or slave, but this doesn't necessarily transport itself to relations outside sex.

Read the whole thing and you'll see what I mean