I sit and look at the computer screen, not blocked, but reticent--hesitant to put pen to paper. I have the words, but not the will. The muse speaks to me, you see, but her words are poison. The price is steep. I know where she lies; she floats beneath the ice of a distant lake. In my dreams, I rub away the snow. She sees me through the thin, fracturing ice. Her crystalline eyes narrow and her diamond-hard smile flashes needle-sharp teeth. She whispers words to me--a story beyond my imagination. I reach for a cigarette with a shaking hand. If I write her tale, I’ll pay a heavy price. In the dream, the cracking ice thrums and reverberates across the frozen lake, but I don’t move; I can't. Her words trap me, while her claws rake feverishly at the ice
[This message has been edited by skadder (edited June 20, 2009).]
Posted by Nicole (Member # 3549) on :
I saw this earlier today and now is night and you still haven't had any feedback so, I figure I'd give you a bit of it.
But you're not going to like it.
I like your style, you conjure up scary images.
But based on your 13 lines I wouldn't read any further because Muses and Writers are a fairly covered theme. You do present it in a slightly original way -to me at least. But still I imagine the story is going to be all inside the writer's head and that's too static for me.
I don't know if this helps you. I'm very new at this so do let me know if I'm doing something wrong or if you wanted to know other things I didn't mention.
[This message has been edited by Nicole (edited June 20, 2009).]
Posted by snapper (Member # 7299) on :
I agree. I believe this theme has been done before. I am confused what the deal is with the frozen world. Is it winter or is all this in your MC's head?
Posted by skadder (Member # 6757) on :
I agree. It's actually a poem that I switched into prose. Thought I'd post it and see how it flew. I have no plans to write the story.
Personally I liked the poetic elements left in the prose, but wondered if it was purple.
I wrote a story about a writer a while ago--a good story--but it's a nightmare to sell, so I'd never do another.
Posted by branteaton (Member # 7782) on :
Regarding purple prose: the other end of the spectrum is flat, lifeless prose (I skew toward flat prose in my own writing). I think it is better to be more purple than flat . As long as you avoid adverbs in dialogue attribution, you'll be more interesting with a purple skew.
