Hatrack River Writers Workshop: First thirteen and Merry Christmas!

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Posted by andersonmcdonald (Member # 8641) on :

Merry Christmas, all! Here's the beginning of a short story I started while taking a break from the maddening "Cathruku Abyss". Best wishes, everyone!

Gran said that the road to Urveld was paved with good intentions. I didn’t ask her what the hell that meant until after five maddening hours into our journey.
“Good intentions?” I asked, feeling my stomach lurch as our carriage careened around another hairpin curve. “Then why didn't they straighten the damn thing before paving it?”
Gran, looking both content and hilarious in her bright purple robes and wide-brimmed hat, pursed her lips and dipped her head condescendingly. “Because the Urveldi wanted to placate the locals. So they built a road in honor of Shekchi, the snake god. Clever, those Urveldi. Two beasts with one dart, as they say. The natives didn’t revolt because they got their idol, and the Urveldi king got his coveted road to the East. And so the

Posted by PB&Jenny (Member # 9200) on :

Liking the story so far. I just don't understand how Gran can look both content and hilarious(?) at the same time. I was thinking more amused than hilarious. But that's just me.

Merry Christmas to you and yours as well!

Posted by LDWriter2 (Member # 9148) on :

quote:

Gran said that the road to Urveld was paved with good intentions. I didn’t ask her what the hell that meant until after five maddening hours into our journey.
“Good intentions?” I asked, feeling my stomach lurch as our carriage careened around another hairpin curve. “Then why didn't they straighten the damn thing before paving it?”
Gran, looking both content and hilarious in her bright purple robes and wide-brimmed hat, pursed her lips and dipped her head condescendingly. “Because the Urveldi wanted to placate the locals. So they built a road in honor of Shekchi, the snake god. Clever, those Urveldi. Two beasts with one dart, as they say. The natives didn’t revolt because they got their idol, and the Urveldi king got his coveted road to the East. And so the

Not bad at all, I assume its suppose to be light hearted for that is the way it feels.
Nice play on a well known Phrase.

By the way is her wide brimmed hat red by any chance?

You might start it without the "Gran said" though. Maybe add "Gran said it for the fifth time" or some such.

That's all I can think of to say.

Posted by LDWriter2 (Member # 9148) on :

Oh yes of course,

Merry Christmas---if you see this before the 25th is over.

If you don't I hope you all had a good Christmas.

Posted by Foste (Member # 8892) on :

Merry Christmas!

I like the first 13. A strong voice, interesting characters and good interaction. I also wonder where they are going.

I'd definitely read on.

Posted by andersonmcdonald (Member # 8641) on :

Thanks all! I may rework the beginning slightly, but probably not until I've finished the first draft. I hope you like what I have in store for these characters. There's sort of a funny relationship between Trist (the MC) and his eccentric grandmother, which you learn about very soon after this first thirteen. And yes this is pretty light-hearted, but with some spooky stuff thrown in. I hope it works. Thanks!

Posted by Reziac (Member # 9345) on :

And now I'm seeing Gran and her purple robes in "Yingle Bells" and I can't stop laughing!!

I can't hear my wife yell; I can't see her face
I guess I must have lost her when we turned at Jonssons' place!!

Posted by andersonmcdonald (Member # 8641) on :

Never heard Yingle Bells, so I looked it up on youtube. Loved it. Hmm... Maybe I can work that scene in somewhere...

Posted by Reziac (Member # 9345) on :

And now I'm seeing grandson sitting on his butt in the drifts, where he was dumped when the sleigh careened around that last corner... watching Gran, her purple robe, and the sleigh thrash away through the snow

Life with Gran must be quite an Adventure.