Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Oracle II (190 words)

This is topic Oracle II (190 words) in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Nfarrow (Member # 9380) on :

I would really like to hear feedback, whether it is good or bad. I am not a writer, and have never wrote anything in my life, but am wanting to try to get started. I am terrible at grammar and spelling. I am craving to write a story, I have so many good ideas I would like to try to write into a story, so I can share my dreams with the world.

Here are my first 13ish for, "Oracle II"

What Are Dreams?
Do you think the dreams are yours, what if they were not your own.
What if when you dream it was actual reality, but just a little further away than anywhere you have ever even thought of consciously.
What if, when you dream you are really having an out of body experience in the eyes and ears and mind of another person, somewhere on a distant planet that has intelligent life.
In this world, this is completely true, and all people dream but only one person, a six thousand year old man who is deceased, known as the oracle when he was alive, could wake up from his drea, and look at a star chart to determine which

[This message has been edited by Nfarrow (edited January 16, 2011).]

[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited January 17, 2011).]

Posted by skadder (Member # 6757) on :

This is well over thirteen lines. Here is a guide to help you only post the right amount.

Your intro reads more like an idea than a story. The whole 'what if' thing is what a story is about.

What if the whole world is actually a virtual reality created by machines? Well, that is the story of the matrix. I would suggest just starting the story and doing away with the info-dump explanation. All of this stuff can be explained during the unfolding of the story.

Posted by Smiley (Member # 9379) on :

Right, I agree with skadder. It could be read as a conversation between someone who is having those dreams and someone else who doesn't believe it happened before.

See if you can move it around to reflect that and still keep your story idea alive.

I think you have a good germ growing here.

Posted by EVOC (Member # 9381) on :

This seems to be good notes for the start of something good, but I wouldn't use it as the actual start of your story. You have some good ideas written down here just need to refine it.