King Jason Auris the Third looked out the palace bedroom window in despair. His kingdom was dying. Not only did poverty hit Auris worse than ever, but they were being brutally attacked by their enemies. The people of Auris faced total annihilation and Jason can’t do anything about it.

As Jason stared outside, with a depressive look on his face, he said, “I feel hopeless.”

He turned around and saw the beautiful Queen Ariel walking toward him. She was dressed in a beautiful white, purple, and red dress that matched her skin tone perfectly. She didn’t look nearly as depressed as he did, but one could tell that she too felt his pain.

 

The second paragraph makes me wonder about POV, I'd thought we were in Jason's but the depressive look on his face makes me where I'm supposed to be picturing this scene from.

I think the repetition of beautiful in the third paragraph comes too soon, try and vary your descriptive words a bit more to keep the prose richer. And then the white, purple and red dress that matches her skin tone perfectly confused me. In what way does it match her skin tone?
 

King Jason Auris the Third looked out of the palace bedroom window and deeply sighed as the citizens began to fill the streets. Despite all the troops, they rushed closer and closer to the courtyard by the minute and chanted so unorganized he couldn’t make any of it out. As he stood there, he thought about how his kingdom declined so rapidly.

Not only were his allies turning on him, his generals were also defecting because Jason just couldn’t pay them anymore. The invading armies have his kingdom blocked on all sides and he was running out of troops. To top it all off, he lands were practically stripped bare of resources.

As Jason stared outside he said, depressed, “I feel hopeless.”

 

It's probably a bit wordy for my tastes, but I can see the hook.

Good luck with it.
 

Whenever you see something like "He liked her", "He felt", "He loved", "he hated", these are telling phrases. They tell the reader how to feel instead of showing them something that makes them feel. Use your words to sway the reader without them realizing they are being swayed. It's a terribly difficult task to achieve, but not impossible.

Telling phrase: John loved cookies.

Concrete language: The cookies filled the room with a smell that was almost like Christmas morning.

Something like that, even though it's not a great example.

Now, you can always get rid of this altogether and use telling as much as you want if you just switch to a first person narrative. This works fine for a lot of stories, but you're also limited to a single perspective throughout the story, unlike third person where you can shift whenever you want. Still, a lot of authors prefer first person because it allows for a more personal kind of story, so I would consider it.

Your story sounds good, but I would think about changing the main character's name. Jason is a fairly typical name in fantasy (though I think the most common is Alex). I suspect this is because of Jason and the Argonaughts, but who knows. I remember the first short story I ever wrote, back when I was 16, the character's name was Jason and it was a fantasy. Just try to come up with something less common.

Otherwise, keep up the good work!

[This message has been edited by jcavonpark (edited May 16, 2011).]