This is sort of the prequel to something I've been working on for awhile. I haven't shared any of my writing with you guys yet, and am looking forward to your input. This is science fiction, set in the not-so-distant future:
It was a confounding assemblage of thoughts. How could they simplify it? Seven personas within a single sentient being–many said it was ludicrous. The machine lifted its hand, actuating the solenoids that sent its mechanical fingers to tap softly along its brazen palm. Did it work? “What are you?” a voice asked of it. “Do you remember anything?” The machine thought for a moment. That voice sounded so familiar. There was a muddled face attached to it, even; but the machine couldn’t bring itself to concentrate any further. Each of its thoughts had come highly lubricated, slipping through the chambers of its digital mind. "What's your name?" the voice clarified. "You do have a name, don't you?" "Scott," it answered through the thick of confusion. "Lieutenant Scott Stratford."
Posted by Denevius (Member # 9682) on :
how long is the piece? if it's not too long, i'll take a read.
Posted by Noah Fregger (Member # 9911) on :
That's kind of you, Denevius. I wish i had more, but it's still very preliminary at this point. This machine is actually one of the characters in a novel I've recently written - a machine born from the first reckless crack at artificial intelligence.
Posted by Denevius (Member # 9682) on :
ok, cool then. good luck with the project.
Posted by Tryndakai (Member # 9427) on :
It's an interesting start. I particularly like the wording of
quote:The machine lifted its hand, actuating the solenoids that sent its mechanical fingers to tap softly along its brazen palm.
My only real problem so far is that the first line(s) doesn't fit with the rest of it. For the most part the scene is set in the groggy, waking-up kind of feel of the machine getting its bearings . . . and the first two or three lines are too lucid and non-immediate to go with that overall vibe.
Also, that after expressing the (rather nice) image of his/its thoughts slipping kinda one-by-one (by my impression, at least), it seemed like his awareness of his name came too abruptly.
Overall it sounds cool, I'd just like the "feel" of the piece to be a bit more unified, I guess.
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
I particularly like the wording of