I'm looking for readers for this one. It is about 950 words long, and is pitched half-way between poetry and prose. (And, by the way, started from the fear challenge a year ago.) I want to know if there is sufficient story in it, and if there are things that you would like/need to add to give it a larger feel of story. Anyway, here is the first 13.
Devoid
You eat.
You sleep... You eat again.
Sometimes the sun wafts across your peripheral vision. Slowly. Burning darkness into the void. Dissolving the stars into the ether. Demanding solitude.
You wait. To catch a glimpse. A flash of light off solar panels strapped behind you. Your only knowledge of the passage of time. You sleep.
The suit sustains you. It will sustain you. Drifting. Until the unlikely event of your death. Until you die.
You are alone.
#
You are not alone.
Posted by History (Member # 9213) on :
Sure.
I like this art form (ever since I was snared by the prose poetry of Clark Ashton Smith). You can send it to me of you like.
Dr. Bob
Posted by Brendan (Member # 6044) on :
Thanks Dr. Bob. I've sent it over your way.
Posted by Grumpy old guy (Member # 9922) on :
Okay, I'll give it a shot. Although, I must warn you: I'm not used to this sort of thing. I may suggest deleting or changing some words, but if you'd rather I just stick to 'general' comment on content, just say so and I will.
Phil.
Posted by Brendan (Member # 6044) on :
Thanks Phil, sent it your way too.
Posted by History (Member # 9213) on :
Sent a crit back to you. Let me know if you don't receive it.
Respectfully, Dr. Bob
Posted by Brendan (Member # 6044) on :
Thanks Dr. Bob and Phil. These have certainly been valuable.