Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Non-writers just don't get it...

This is topic Non-writers just don't get it... in forum Open Discussions About Writing at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Eljay (Member # 1941) on :

Argh! Can I vent? Saturday is the one day I'm supposed to get to write at my most productive time, first thing in the morning. I really look forward to it.

This morning, my husband brings the kids upstairs, into the room I'm writing in, so he can write a check to pay a bill that isn't due for weeks! He ends up taking almost half an hour to pay one bill, and meanwhile I get nothing done because I have two toddlers pestering me.

I don't usually mind writing with the kids underfoot, if they're playing and need occasional assistance, but I was supposed to have uninterrupted time this morning, and they were climbing on me.

How do you make people understand? Or at least get them to leave you alone for a bit?

Posted by teddyrux (Member # 1595) on :

Unfortunately, I can't directly relate to your problem, Eljay. When my wife knows that I'm writing, she leaves me alone and lets me write. Sometimes she thinks I'm writing and leaves me alone. All I can suggest, is that you ask your husband to let you have your writing time.

Also, and this is not professional advice, he could be jealous. I say that not knowing your situation, but I have seen it. In myself, with my wife. She doesn't write, bust she's a photographer and sometimes when she's working I get jealous and want her to spend time with me so I bug her or make it difficult for her to concentrate. I don't do it as much as I used to, because I know what I'm doing.

That's my opinion based on my experience.

Rux
:}

Posted by Balthasar (Member # 5399) on :

I've eschewed these problems by writing late at night (starting between 9 and 9:30 to about midnight) when everyone else is asleep.

The jealously factor is an issue. Before I started writing seriously, I was on the road to earning a Ph.D. in historical theology, and my wife was insanely jealous of the time I spent studying. Now, I'm a stay-at-home dad, and I'm insanely jealous when she decides she needs a few extra hours at the office.

Perhaps your husband is jealous of the time you give to writing -- or perhaps he's not -- but when I finally told my wife how much it meant for me to write, she understood. Before, she wondered what I did when everyone else was asleep, and wondered why it was so much more important than going to bed with her. But after I explained to her how much writing meant to me, she not only understood but became very supportive.

If this doesn't work, then perhaps you'll have to wake up extra early on Saturday mornings to write. Once you show your husband your dedication, he'll become more understanding. Perhaps not about writing, but about how important it is to you. Actions always speak louder than words.

Posted by Pyre Dynasty (Member # 1947) on :

I've got a similar problem. My conputer is in a popular room. and my brother sits down and reads what I'm writing and comments on it. Sometimes he tells me word for word what to write. I feel like telling him to go write his own story. But He's just not a writer, he is brilliantly creative but his work goes to design. (evrything from tiny screws to sky scarapers.)
Saturday is my time to write too, but all growing up Saturday was the time to clean the house. So I feel guilty writing thinking there is something else I should do.

Posted by James Maxey (Member # 1335) on :

Divorce did the trick for me.

--James

Posted by cvgurau (Member # 1345) on :

I have the same problem, PD. In a household with...(hold on, let me count...1, 5, 11) eleven individuals, the computer is sometimes pretty popular. To keep it fair, we have the 1-hour rule, where a person calls that it'll be his turn in an hour.

An hour?

Pah! It takes me that long to get that ol' creativity machine up and running. Sometimes you have to jumpstart it, and sometimes you take it apart piece by piece to figure out what's wrong that day, or you just have to give it a good kick in the head.

But I ramble.

My solution is quite simple. Write anyway. Write when there's people around (my brothers don't comment or care. They're not writers, and they don't want to be. In this, I suppose, I'm luckier than you) but I keep the page zoomed small enough that they can't see what I write. Usually, I can't either, but I don't have to, you know?

That, or I use my other solution: y'just write into the wee hours of the morning, when everyone's asleep, and your muse whispers sweet nothings into your ear. I sometimes get 1-3.5K words like that.

And if I'm lucky, I actually get to keep some of them.

CVG

Posted by srhowen (Member # 462) on :

I used to have trouble with my hubby saying hey look at this, or talking to me when i was writing.

I would blow up and scream--damn it I am trying to work here. He'd sheepishly say--uh sorry. Then a few days later he'd do it again. I started doing the same thing to him, he hates being interrupted when he is reading the paper, so I'd talk away while he was reading his paper. He backed off a bit then.

When I got my agent that fixed it--now I sit down and if he sees WP on the screen he tiptoes around the house and makes sure the kids know mom is working. LOL

Shawn

Posted by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (Member # 59) on :

I know of writers with similar problems who get something outlandish to wear (a bright hat or something else clearly visible) and tell family members that when they are wearing this item it means they are not to be disturbed unless the house is on fire or someone is spurting blood or choking to death.

They tell family members that if they are disturbed, they will be very nasty to be around, because they haven't gotten the writing done that they had planned to do.

Of course, to get cooperation, they don't just make threats. They make promises that they will only wear this item for a certain length of time. (They tell the family that if they are interrupted at all in that time period, then the time count starts all over again. After being interrupted when the "hour" (or whatever) is almost up, and then telling the interruptor that they'll now have to wait another whole "hour" a few times, they find that people can learn to be patient.)

The combination of a clear indicator, a threat, and a promised time limit, along with the strength of will to stick to it all, tends to help solve most problems like this.

I hope it can work for you.

[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited March 27, 2004).]

Posted by yanos (Member # 1831) on :

I am with James on this. Divorce sorted out that problem. I have real problems writing when people are around. Strangely, probably down to my own bizarre nature, I right really well when my girlfriend is almost around. Just knowing that she is waiting for some personal time means that I write quicker and with more directness.

Saying that I think Kathleen and some of the others have the right idea. If I was you I would be tempted to get a big sign for the room you write in andf put it on the door when you are work.

Posted by James Maxey (Member # 1335) on :

Thanks Kathleen. You've given me the final push towards buying that pimp hat I've always wanted. www.pimpdaddy.com/page/pdcom/CTGY/PH

--James

Posted by Eljay (Member # 1941) on :

Thanks, Kathleen! Something like that might actually work. After all, starting a timer over again does pretty well with my two-year-old for time out.

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one with this problem. One thing that may be contributing to it is the fact that I often work in the middle of chaos (by necessity), and so people tend to assume I can do that all the time. Saturday morning, I was working on a very difficult scene, and needed to be able to focus. (It's done now, hooray!)

I don't really mind having people looking over my shoulder - the kids can't read, and my husband gets every chapter as I finish the first draft anyway, unless I know I want to make really major changes (in which case he gets it as soon as I've done them). I couldn't handle people commenting about it, though!

cvgurau, I don't think I'd do too well if I had to share a computer! I'd probably write on paper, and just type it up when I was ready to revise. (Of course, I did just that for years, with a typewriter. My family didn't own a computer until I got one when I started college.) Fortunately, my husband is afraid to touch my computer.

Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :

Well, now I have an answer to the question, "Why did the fact that the straight, black teletubby wears a big pimp hat not offend anyone?"

Because of course it symbolized his literary aspirations