Okay, I watched it. I'm not proud, but it wasn't a complete waste of time. I mean, I don't lament the 96 minutes lost and swear vengence upon it's creators, if it matters. I laughed, I cried, I ate sunflower seeds and spilled my cup full of shells. (Well, I laughed and spilled, anyway).

So, for those who haven't seen the movie, here's the premise...warning, it IS a spoiler: A man (Alex...something), has 30 days to write a novel which will earn him $125,000 from his publisher, 100K of which will go to the Cuban mafia as payment for his gambling debts (doubled from 50K to keep them from throwing him out a window), who will kill him if he fails to pay. But, proving a point, they destroyed his laptop (those bastards!) and now he has to hire a cute-but-abnoxious stenographer(sp?), Emma, because...well, just because, I suppose.

I won't go into the whole romantic plot, or the (somewhat) amusing switches in scenery from present-day "real life" to the fictional island of Saint Charles in 1924, or Kate Blanchet's ever-changing character in said fictional realm, because quite frankly, I'm not sure I want to. It'd take a while.

Instead, I'm going to ponder the process this writer went through, pounding out 300 pages, give or take, of novel in but a fraction of the time it takes us (or rather, you guys, seeing as I've yet to complete my first novel) to do the same.

Okay. Woman shows up at his door, and after a rough start (one near-macing, near-leaving (I know that isn't right, so don't hound me...please ), and 5 hours with but one senctence written), Alex gets started. We're introduced to his main characters, plot, and so on, and after some real-life dilemmas (he writes himself into a corner, the cuban mafia shows up, Emma, the cute-but-abnoxious(sp?) stenographer keeps interrupting him to point out plot holes and/or character flaws, almost always correct in her ponderings, because she is, after all, [u]The Reader[/u], insert dramatic music here...), he finishes the book, gives it to his publisher, gets his 125 Large, and gives 100 of it to the cuban mafia (Rob Reiner, never failing to act in his own pictures, has a pretty funny moment here as Luke Wilson's publisher. "Remind me one more time, do I make this out to 'Cuban Mafia', or 'THE Cuban Mafia'." Not great, granted, but worth a chuckle or two.). Some romantic troubles with Emma, his cute-but-abnoxious stenographer, (whom, he realizes, he loves so deeply) and it's the end.

(If you're still with me, you must be interested in my question. I'm glad )

So. Is this real? I mean, the man not only pounds out a book in 30 days, and it's not only his first draft, and not only his second book ever, but it's accepted by the publisher (who speed-read 300 pages in a few short hours), and the writer is rewarded with $125,000. There's no mention of a second draft. Nuthin'.

My God! I want to be this man! Give me the money! The talent! The cute-but-abonoxious stenographer! Give me the opportunity to torture myself with having to choose between Kate Hudson and Sophie Marceau! Seriously!

(breath deep...breath deep...breath deep...)

But enough of my ranting and raving. I rant and rave all day, and while it does keep me fit, it rarely produces anything of worth.

In conclusion...come ooooonnn!

At least make it a little realistic! Make it a children's book. Or a YA thriller. Or a picture book. Or he could rob a bank, go on this wild caper where he alludes the cops, the mafia, and the ever-present threat of his publisher breathing down his throat, and end it all safely and amusingly, sipping wine on the beach of some far-off foreign land with his honey by his side and his published book in her lap, and a satchel of stolen money next to his wine. It'd be great!

I mean, he wouldn't be a writer anymore (probably), so there'd be no need for a stenographer, or those short but sweet (sort of) trips into his fictional world, but still...it'd make a good movie. I think.

And it wouldn't be a romantic comedy any more, it'd probably be an action blockbuster, with violent explosions and violent deaths, and violent sex scenes, but...no, never mind.

I have to hang my head in shame now.

CVG

PS--OSC noticed something (vaguely) similar in Cheaper by the Dozen, where the wife (don't know here name, never saw the movie, don't plan to), absolutely had to go on this book tour, or her publisher wouldn't publish her book.

According to OSC (who, IMO, is a wizard with the written word...and who, IMO, is pretty knowledgable in this field), this ain't likely.

Hollywood should get a clue. IMO.

PPS--My longest post ever. I feel special. :P

[This message has been edited by cvgurau (edited April 21, 2004).]
 

It sounded like a chick flick to me and I religiously try to stay away from those if possible. Unless my wife forces me to go.
 

For crying out loud! We're talking about movies here!
 

Me, I kept thinking "No! No! Think of the tax bite! The Cuban Mafia is not an allowable deduction!"
 

It would be a stretch, but some writers work fast. OSC says he did Ender's GAme in about three weeks (of course...he already had the story worked out based on his short by the same name)..

And I DID watch Cheaper by the Dozen and had the same reaction OSC had. My poor wife had to listen to me rant at the screen "It just doesn't work that way!"

This from her UN-published husband. Sigh. C'Mon Tor....make me happy.....
 

Really, though, do you honestly expect Hollywood to know anything about the real world? They don't even make movies about movie making that are based in reality.
 

I mean, the writer could have at least done some research, you know? I figure, you write about writing, you have to know something about writing. Just like I wouldn't write about post-WWII literature. Don't know nuthin' about it.

CVG
 

"If you want to see the people next door--got next door."