Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Holding the cheese when writing action

This is topic Holding the cheese when writing action in forum Open Discussions About Writing at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Robyn_Hood (Member # 2083) on :

I've gotten stalled in one of the stories I'm working on. Everyone who did a full critique of it asked for more action, or at least a longer description of what is actually happening.

Basically, the reason I glossed over it in the first place is because I couldn't think how to write a compelling, action-packed spaceship fight scene. So all I do is say that the attack ship disabled the cruise ship. As I read it, I have to agree that it is rushed. The story is light and comical at times, but I don't want to smell like ripe limburger cheese!

Any tips on writing non-cheesy action?

Posted by djvdakota (Member # 2002) on :

Go into the scene from the tight perspective of your POV. Imagine yourself in his/her place. What would you see? How would you feel? What would you be thinking? Doing?

If the piece is leaning toward the light and comical, you can't go wrong by learning from the example of Douglas Adams. Take a look at "So Long and Thanks for All the Fish", Chapter 19. Brief description of actual action (only one paragraph), but plenty of tension building up to it, and a result that can be inferred from Ford's reaction--or at least we can believe that the result will be given later.

Don't know if that'll help any. I just read that chapter last night.

[This message has been edited by djvdakota (edited October 28, 2004).]

Posted by Jules (Member # 1658) on :

I assume its not much of a battle?

This is what I'd do:

Describe how they approach each other -- is one trying to get away? Do they twist and turn to avoid the weapons, or just run straight away as fast as they can?

Work out what kind of weapons and defenses your two ships have (missiles and decoys, energy weapons, mass drivers?). Depending on what POV you're using, you can show that attacking ship's captain ordering her to fire those weapons. Depending on the type of weapon there might be a noticeable delay before it has any effect. Then briefly describe the effect they have, what exact damage is done (perhaps as a report from one of the ship's officers). Then state that the other ship is disabled.

You probably want to show this as fast paced. The key to this is very sparse description -- having no adjectives or adverbs is ideal.

There are of course other ways of doing it, but this kind of approach seems best to me.

Posted by Magic Beans (Member # 2183) on :

Consider showing the reactions, emotions, and injuries of the commanders and people. After all, it's not the spaceships that are fighting each other, it's the commanders who are fighting each other. The fear, triumph, and despair of the people who are fighting should put some flesh on the bones of the action. Keep your sentences economical.

Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :

Writing good action starts with having good action to write.

Lest that seem terribly mysterious, let me explain. I'm basically reiterating what everyone else just said, with an emphasis on something that we assume about action sequences but sometimes forget while writing. When you write an action sequence, you should have a clear idea of what takes place, then work to describe that. You have to avoid just stringing together "action sentances" and hoping they make up a scene.

In other words, don't worry about whether the fight scene will be "packed with compelling action". That causes you to focus on the word-craft of the scene when the real problem is that you haven't worked out what actually happens. Thus the attempt to write exciting action often defeats itself. You should concern yourself with writing a scene that makes sense first. Sense will lend meaning, meaning will bring emotional impact.