If you feel that there are too many dialogue tags, it's possible to find ways of avoiding them without resorting to "he communicated".
Examine each tag to see if it is necessary. I think you need to avoid long lists of dialogue that's unattributed, as that forces the reader to play the "he said, she said" game. That's only fun where you discover that a line of dialogue has inadvertently been omitted . However, sometimes it is possible to eliminate one or two tags where it's obvious who is speaking.
Try using this construction:
David sighed. "I want to go home."
No tag, but it's clear who's speaking.
Or this:
"That's typical." She tossed her head. "You always whine."
(Okay, that second one works best where you don't have more than one character of that sex in the scene )
Although it takes some of the fun out of reading, you can probably find other workable alternatives to "he said, she said" if you examine how dialogue is attributed in anything you happen to be reading.
[This message has been edited by BuffySquirrel (edited October 27, 2005).]
Action tags are probably the very best way to avoid "he said, she said" if you think you're using "said" too much.
Not only do they provide an alternative to "said," but they also provide a little more action, characterization, and, it is to be hoped, interest in a story than "said" can.
I personally recommend using them as often as possible.
The word said is invisible and can be used pretty much every time you have someone speaking.
If you don't have to use said because you can follow action with the dialogue, dont't.
Avoid over using alternative tags. 'said' is invisible, chided, replied, exploded, shouted, exclaimed, etc... are not and can render a piece of writing laughable. Use them where they fit, not everytime.
Avoid using said in the same place every sentence.
"Blah blah blah," he said.
"Blah blah blah," she said.
"Blah blah blah," he said.
"Blah blah blah," she said.
Instead,
"Blah blah blah," he said.
"Blah," said she, "blah blah."
He said, "blah blah blah."
"Blah blah blah," she said.
"Blah blah blah."
"Blah," she said. "Blah blah."
And, as always there are exceptions.
Try to cut down the "saids"...try to affix some minor action or thought between dialog snatches to identify who's who.
For example, I read 'She tossed her head', and being the literal minded person I am, I saw her tossing her head like a basketball.
Is it a good/bad idea to add those action phrases after said very often, or should I probably go back and try changing them to
"I'm bored." He twiddled his thumbs. "There's nothing to do."
quote:
While it's true that "said" may be invisible, consider the impact of having your piece peppered with invisible units.
Sounds like a great idea for a story.
quote:
I've recently noticed that I tend to use alot of dialogue in the form:
"I'm bored," he said, twiddling his thumbs, "there's nothing to do."Is it a good/bad idea to add those action phrases after said very often, or should I probably go back and try changing them to
"I'm bored." He twiddled his thumbs. "There's nothing to do."
In general, either approach is fine. What's probably most important is to vary which ones you use. If you have a lot of dialogue constructed in exactly the same way, it will eventually stand out as a pattern. What you want is to avoid having the reader notice how the story is put together .
In the example you give, I would be tempted to choose the first approach, as that suggests to me that he's twiddling his thumbs while he's speaking. The second version suggests that he speaks, twiddles his thumbs, stops, then speaks again.
If you are trying to write invisible prose, that is words that the reader doesn't notice because he's to wrapped up in the story, changing structures constantly can ruin it and make the prose completely visible.
Repetitive rhythms are lulling and I prefer to keep my readers awake and willingly attentive. One of the first things I notice about veteran authors versus novice writers is that novice writers strain my brain with their attempts to avoid using the word 'said'.
'Said' is invisible. Avoid it when you can, but it will not hurt you to use it a lot.
But, always, always, dialogue or otherwise, vary your sentence structures and your paragraph structures.
[This message has been edited by pantros (edited October 28, 2005).]
John Norman, among his plethora of sins against taste, exhibited this in some of his "Gor" works. His dialogue frequently ran as follows:
"Yes," I said.
"No," she said.
"Do not contradict me," I said.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"So you should be," I said.
"Forgive me, master," she said.
And so on. For a page or two at a time.
(Eventually, and inevitably, they stopped talking and she got a sound spanking, for which she was truly grateful as it made her realise how fulfilled she was by her rightful place as a subservient being... blah blah blah. When I was growing up, this stuff was actually popular, big-selling science-fantasy. Thankfully, even then, I had the sneaking suspicion that it was, in fact, deeply twisted and just plain wrong...).
I think the important point of dialog is to mix it up... don't use "said" exclusively. Moderation in all things, including dialog tags. It's the excessive use of any one style that makes it noticable, and as BuffySquirrel said, invisibility should be your goal.
quote:
"Yes," I said.
"No," she said.
"Do not contradict me," I said.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"So you should be," I said.
"Forgive me, master," she said.
I don't think the problem with dialogue like this is the use of "said" over and over. I think the problem is that the dialogue is hanging empty in space without any depth or context. Rarely do two people stand perfectly still with the same facial expression, thoughtlessly having a conversation.
The dialogue would be equally boring, IMO, even if you change said to various saidisms. Any dialogue that just goes:
"blah blah" he *saidism*
"blah blah blah" she *saidism*
"blah" he *saidism*
"blah blah" she *saidism*
etc. is dull.
What are they doing? What are they thinking, what inflections are they adding to their voice etc.
In any case, I don't think it's really an example of "the problem is using said over and over." IMHO anyway.
quote:
Weren't the Gor novels specifically an experiment in sucky writing, though?
What, all 17 or however many of them?
AstroStewart - yes, it's "sucky" writing whether it uses said or saidisms, though it might read slightly less repetitively if there are a few alternatives (and rapid-fire dialogue can be perfectly acceptable if only a proprtion of the lines are given attributions at all).
I was just using it as an example of a situation where "said" was far from an "invisible" word.